Did you put on a few pounds over the holidays? Good news: It's "resort" season! This means pre-spring clothes and, horror of horrors, swimsuits. Boston Proper, the catalog out of Boca Raton, Florida, has great looks for those who want to vacation like a shipping-heir... or just vacation, period. (By the way, the catalog industry is killing about 8 million trees a month, so if you don't like what you're getting, do something about it.) Ahoy! Sailor stripes and gaucho pants, after the jump.

Yeah, you can't hit the scorching hot sands of Malta without a baby doll dress held up by chains. We hear.

Let's just say, for arguments' sake, that she actually is the captain of a ship. What would that vessel be called? HMS Skank? SS Short-Shorts? Goodship Crotch Rot? Suggestions welcome.

There comes a time in every woman's life when the sailor look is no longer cute, and that time may be before the age of 12.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Oooh, actually, the wrap dress is quite nice! Comes in navy? Sold.

The best thing about this faux-Hermès print is that a few of the local youths in my nabe have oversized hoodies with gold chains printed on them. It's a better use of the motif, methinks.

These "bust-enhancing" suits appear to be merely "bust-squashing."

Related: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Statistics [Popular Science]

Earlier: Drowning In Catalogs? Some Retailers Don't Give A Damn
Brooks Brothers: This Christmas, WASPs Are Mad For Plaid
Bloomingdale's "Gifted": Overpriced Brand Names R Us
Doctors Foster & Smith: The Crazy Cat Lady Catalog
J. Crew's "Very Merry Gift Guide"
The Vermont Country Store: For Old Alcoholics & The Kids Who Enable Them
Bergdorf Goodman: My Kingdom For A Fountain Pen
Barneys New York: Shiny Happy People & Crazy Expensive Clothes
Anthropologie "Giving": We Love To Hate & Hate To Love It
'Tis The Season For Crappy Christmas Gifts

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