Hillary's little brother can't get it together to pay child support — and he owes $158,000 to Barbara Boxer's pretty pretty daughter. So much for looking out for womanity! But yeah, we wouldn't choose siblings like the Brothers Rodham either; as some senior anonymous person from the Clinton Administration I once said, "You never wanted to hear their name come up in any context other than playing golf.'' And seriously, what is up with candidates and their goodfornothing male family members these days? When was the last time you saw a girl family member become a major liability for trafficking drugs or Georgian hazelnuts or crucifying stray dogs and attempting to board a plane with a shotgun, huh? We take a look at the candidates and the loser families holding them down, after the jump.
Moe: You there? I guess The brothers Rodham are in the news again. This campaign stuff is tough, if it's not your family, it's your "family" as Rudy might say! So Clinton's little bro Tony is a deadbeat dad. Also apparently Tony and her other brother Hugh once tried to enter into some business exporting hazelnuts from the Republic of Georgia. Mmmmm, hazelnuts: that's pretty Christmasy!
9:37 AM Megan: Mmm, hazelnuts = nutella for me.
9:38 AM And it's got to be hard being the successful sib for a couple of loser hanger-ons like the Rodham brothers who would be, like, selling insurance in rural Illinois or working at Jiffy Lube if they couldn't ride their sister's coattails to shady hazelnut import schemes.
Oh, wait, are we still allowed to talk about the fact that she's from neither NY or Arkansas?
Moe: Hahaha you know, I feel like the Obama campaign is paying off W right now, because he literally is like NOWHERE. Right? It's just that spokespretty of his, fending for herself, acting stupid while pretty, blah blah blah, no one cares, CAMPAIGN. So no one is thinking, OMG anything to have the Clintons back OMG pleasegodplease anymore. They're like, "Oh yeah, the Clintons. We've seen that ish before
9:44 AM Megan: OMG, is Maureen "Don't Judge Me By My Looks But Look at ME!!!!" Dowd allowed to opine that it's bad to live in a society when one is judged by one's looks?
Because just seeing her quoted I wanted to ask how her whole "men don't take me seriously because i'm soooo pretty" thing is working out. Because you know she doesn't blog in her PJs and no makeup.
Moe: Ugh you know what subjects Maureen Dowd should be banned from weighing in on? All of them.
Moe: However, I want to revise my stance on Huckabee. He is truly a Great Communicator. "You are to journalism what Jeffrey Dahmer is to table manners." God, how about we just never elect anyone from Arkansas? Would that be so terrible? Seriously, when your last name is Rodham how hard does it have to be to drum up $188,000 for child support? Norman Hsu managed to get twice that amount from that immigrant family living in that tiny little bungalow in Daly City.
Megan: And then illegal donate it to Hillary.
Moe: Where's the love for uncle TONY
Megan: Also, fuck deadbeat dads. It's his fucking kid(s?) with his fucking ex wife and
Moe: You know what I blame for this? AMERICA'S CULTURE OF IMPUNITY
Megan: MY GOD it's about them not about your failed marriage and people like that suck
Also, I think the proper punishment for deadbeat dads is to bring back the stocks.
But not for their arms or their heads, but for their twigs and bitty little berries.
Every day until they pay, let's line em up outside of courthouses around this great land and point and laugh at their junk until they get sick of women mocking them and do what's right by their issue.
Moe: Here's what I want to know; who's the last black sheep SISTER any of these candidates have
Megan: Wow, hard question. Kennedy had the lobotomized sister, right?
Moe: Roger Clinton trafficked drugs, the brothers Rodham trafficked Russkie mob hazelnuts, and Jeb Bush's deadbeat brother blew 500 lines in a night at Camp David or whatever, Al Gore III speeds an entire illicit pharmacy 100 miles an hour in a Prius...
Oh GOD, that's right. Wait, are we discussing lobotomies again?
Barack Obama is an only child, right? And Michelle Obama has that nice basketball playing brother. Rudy's entire family hates him so whatev. Mitt Romney's entire family has had a lobotomy...Huckabee's son is a terrorist animal killer...who am I missing?
Megan: No, Barack Obama has a sister!
Moe: John McCain's wife got ALL THAT CRAP for her painkiller thing and she fucking rescued a poor baby in Bangladesh!!
Ok, Barack's sister. Is she nice?
Megan: Yeah, she seems sweet/ She's a schoolteacher in Hawai'i or something.
Half sister, obviously
Moe: Oh right.