Rielle Hunter is back! And like Lily Allen and Jamie Lynn Spears and the female protagonist of like every movie that came out this year, she got knocked up. By John Edwards? MAYBE SO. Almost makes you think that one giant shadowy ultrasound would be a pretty decent candidate for TIME's "Person of the Year", no? But speaking of guys the world would have maybe been better off terminating, TIME ended up going with Vladimir Putin. Isn't he evil and stuff? Oh, and those Iowa polls: are they a huge crock of shit? Megan and I sort of discuss these issues, along with our Christmas plans and the Blackwater puppy slaughter, after the jump.
Moe: what the fuck is up with our news organizations going public with their scandalous allegations one minute and removing the evidence the next? Yesterday it was OK! and Jamie Lynn Spears getting knocked up and today it's John John Edwards knocking up another woman and the Enquirer keeping it quiet, then posting it, then taking it down after a few minutes. Anyway, I wish there was something interesting to say about him and Rielle Hunter but I can't even think I would care that much if he was leading in the polls: like, yeah duh he's hot, and completely smarmy and fake. Of course he is not as devoted to Elizabeth as he would have us believe; he also may actually be computer-generated.
Megan: Also, she and his former (married, now separated and also, oops, fired) Director of Ops are both saying it's his kid, not Edwards'.
Moe: Sorry, I was just talking to Anna
I went to Paul Janka's house to interview him last night.
Dudes like him are the reason I always believed Kathleen Willey.
Megan: Ha! I just read that as Paul Anka and was all sad for the second-to-late season of the Gilmore Girls.
Also, yeah, kinda. I've had my boobs grabbed inappropriately before. The whole "Hillary killed my cats" thing is totally mental illness, though.
Moe: Okay ugh, I don't even have time to do this. You will find out about the "date" with Paul Janka later and I think it will make you laugh. But in other news Putin is the person of the year!
Do we care about that?
Megan: I don't. I think making it Putin means it's finally jumped the shark.
Moe: Oh wait, should we talk about Blackwater killing the dog?
Putin's jumped the shark?
Megan: Puppy! (sniff)
Moe: did putin used to be a loan shark?
Also Giuliani is friends w. teh thugz.
Megan: Putin used to be a KGB officer. I just mean, this is like the first year he didn't massacre people (since there's hardly any breakaway Republics left to massacre) and he really hasn't jailed that many journalists or political opponents this year, and he's "stepping down" in an orderly fashion even though he's not really, so, yay Putin?
Also, big f'ing surprise that Rudy knows thugs.
Putin knows more.
Moe: And Giuliani's thugs know Gorbachev....
It's complicated as they say
Can you tell I can't focus?
There are two girls in my bedroom dying to hear about my date with Paul Janka
Megan: Everyone knows thugs.
It was a date!?
Moe: But Giuliani and Gorbachev know the same thugs.
Kinda makes you wonder if there's something fishy going on with Putin and Time Magazine.
Megan: Time is based in NY
Moe: I mean, aren't there better people of the year?
Megan: Aren't there more interesting and important people of the year??
Moe: Giuliani is ALSO based in NY
Megan: ipso facto
Moe: OK who would be your person of the year I'd totally pick Lisa Nowak
Also I would give Magic Johnson more credit if his malls in Los Angeles had been a little better maintained, you know?
Megan: Well, at their even in DC, they talked about "The Immigrant" and I was like.... ooh. That's kinda cool. It's not necessarily American specific, even.
Or, um, if he hadn't caught AIDS from cheating on his wife with so many women for so many years.
Moe: THE UNBORN
Megan: Yeah, I thought that one sucked.
Moe: OMG but it's totally so timely!
What with Jamie Lynn and now Lily Allen...
Megan: Lily Allen?
Moe: And Katherine Heigl in that movie and
that other movie
Megan: Also, CONDOMS, people!!
Moe: and oh wait that other movie
Fuck presents, I'm just going and buying condoms and giving them to everyone I know!
Moe: I think when you're dealing w. ppl this dumb you should just advocate the withdrawal method. Also, do you think John Edwards' new age lady used some like new age birth control methods? Like Mountain Dew douche or somesuch?
Megan: I've been fucking for, oh, FOURTEEN YEARS and managed not to get pregnant. and I come from very fertile stock.
Moe: Me too the same way and a lot of those times I didn't even USE condoms!!!! Only not fourteen years. Maybe like, eleven
All I'm saying is that I think the kids need norplant
they need something easy and long lasting
Megan: Or the pill, or an IUD, a sponge, a cervical cap, a diaphragm, depo, whatever...
They need to be like, hrm, i don't want to be pregnant or diseased, let me do something to counteract that...
Moe: Oh wait, before I end this I have to just point out this sentence in the Magic Johnson story because it TOTALLY RELATES to the anti-pro-life movement sorta
Moe: "It hasn't helped that Oprah Winfrey and Obama have become the most popular performing duo since George Michael and that other guy in Wham!"
Like, um, Wham!?
Like, not even Justin Timberlank and Andy Samberg?
Wow, actually, there aren't a lot of duos, are there?
aimee mann and michael penn
hall & oates! and maybe page n' plant
Moe: i heart heart.
When are you going home btw? I might go home in the wee hours tonight
Megan: I keep changing my mind. Sometime between tomorrow at Saturday. I have been excused from wedding dress shopping with my sister because I have to blog. Who knew Denton would save me from that by virtue of giving us no time off? Yay Nick Denton!
Moe: Oh yeah, me and Jim Newell are going to celebrate Christmas eve's half day by ghost writing one another's blogs and lacing our egg nog with amphetamines.
But you'll be upstate, right?
Megan: Oh, that'll be awesome!
Yup. Listening to the wind howl and the neighbor's dog bark and stuff.