Mike Huckabee's attempted airjacker of a son is also a ritual sacrificer of stray dogs who maybe tried to turn Boy Scout camp into an Al Qaeda cell and it's all because dad lied about his "theology" degree; Ann Romney's goal weight is 117 pounds at 5'8", meaning her "thinspiration" is something just a little lankier than Kate Moss. And they say the Republicans have no candidate to fall in love with this campaign! Maybe all they need is a little homeschooling and a two year communications degree. In other news: the Boston Globe and the Des Moines Register endorse John McCain; is he still running? Are we still watching? You bet we are! Click to see our guesstimates of the candidates' wives BMIs and such substantive political analysis rendered conversation-style in IM!
Moe: So Huckabee's son hanged a dog at Boy Scout camp, which wins him points for unpredictability on the Eagle Scout scandal tip, and Ann Romney used to be 117 pounds and for some reason Republicans just aren't falling in love with their candidates this time around. The Globe endorsed John McCain for the GOP. Turns out he's still running! I suppose we need to talk about the dog scandal, though I'd kind of rather talk about Ann Romney's weight.
Megan: Wait, isn't she like 6 foot tall? That sounds really thin to me
Moe: She's 5'8" and the paper got it totally wrong, I nexised the story. Apparently when he was running for governor, the Globe asked her about her weight.
Out of frustration, I think.
And she was like "no, that's my secret, no woman wants to tell anyone her weight, it's always more than we want it to be; back in college I was 117 pounds and that's what I should be now." Here it is:
Despite what her husband describes as her excellent physical condition, Ann is obsessive about her weight and, according to her husband, probably hasn't been on a scale for 15 years.
"Don't ask about it," she says. "I won't answer. I'll tell my age, but not my weight. A woman's weight is always more than she wants it to be. I'll tell you what my ideal is. I'm 5 feet 8. In college, I weighed 117. That's what I should be. But I'm never near that. I'm always shocked at how much I weigh. I'm thin, but not 117 pounds, so I'm not as thin as I should be.
Anyway, it's like a little window into the world of Romneyrosis! Uh, not to be confused with Romneysclerosis, which Ann Romney likes to treat with "joy therapy." Horseback riding and other things that make me think dirty dirty thoughts I'd rather not be thinking. Ew!
Megan: Not that many of us would at all mind being our college weight again. I was 110 until I spent a year in and out of the hospital.
But, yeah, since when is political discourse about the candidate's wife's weight?
Moe: File under "thoughts that should be repressed at all times" thanks v. much
Well, I think it's supposed to illustrate what creepy perfectionists they are.... though the Romnlympics thing is probably sufficient to achieve that.
Megan: He's a politician. Creepy perfectionism when it comes to your family is a given, unless your kid is a complete sociopathic fuckup.
Moe: Oh the Des Moines Register endorsed Clinton, while the Globe endorsed Obama. And don't forget Al Gore III! They kind of look the same.
Megan: Isn't Al Gore III just like an overly-entitled pothead? Get back to me when he starts torturing animals before I agree that he's a sociopath
Moe: Oh no i'm just saying their looks... there's a resemblance....maybe just in the excess flesh sense though
That's a good post! It really cleared up all my confusion on the issue.
How do you pronounce "mange"?
Megan: Literally like it looks. We're 'Muriken here
Moe: Who is supposed to win in New Hampshire?
On the Dem side.
Megan: I think the race in NH, as in Iowa, has tightened up a little. Hillary's still in front but losing steam, etc.
Moe: The press is talking about how the newspaper endorsements are really influential and important but are they just patting themselves on the back so to speak?
Megan: I mean, I guess I feel like endorsements are just an effort to play off the nature of voters to be lemmings.
Like, whoa, newspaper people are like, smart and stuff.
So I should do what they tell me
Moe: Hahaha also check out the part where Huckabee says he's "the only guy on that stage with a theology degree" and therefore the person most qualified to lead the "theocratic war" with the evilfascistdoers.
How much do you think Judi Giuliani weighs
What about Michelle Obama
Michelle's totally got a BMI of like 13
Megan: Not that this is the most reliable source, but Huckabee's degree is supposedly not actually in theology.
He earned his college degree in two years.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Megan: He worked on a Masters
Moe: There is nothing I can say that will not be completely offensive.
Even to myself.
Megan: At my university, the communications school was abbreviated COM and us nerdy arts&sciences kids referred to it as the "College of Optional Math"
Moe: But okay, lemme put this out there: is there a single person of minority descent — or woman, for that matter — that could achieve anything close to his stature right now, that could even make it to the cover of the NYT Mag — with at TWO YEAR FUCKING COMMUNICATIONS DEGREE FROM ARKADELPHIA? I like to say college is overrated since I didn't, you know, ever finish, but holy christ!
Is it any wonder his son is too dumb to leave his gun in the car at the airport?
Megan: I don't want to be too whitey East Coaster liberal here, but I think any dude that feels the need to carry in public is mostly trying to make up for things he lacks in other areas.
Also, I have a BA and an MS and I can definitely say that college is overrated somethings.
Sometimes, I mean.