Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

Oh, dear. We've been avoiding this, and yet get bombarded with it, constantly. Victoria's Secret, home of the scantily-clad millionaire supermodel, has a "Last Minute Gifts" catalog. Because, at the last minute, you may need a thong! Or a bra! Or an acrylic sweater. You never know. The images Vicky uses to sell her mass-market underwear is fascinating: Who decided the sexy Brazilians R Us angle? I guess he or she figured that straightforward, Sears-catalog shots aren't exciting enough, and hipster sleaze is best left to American Apparel. But is the Victoria's Secret fantasy world a vision for women by women? For men by men? For men by women? By men who pay women to imagine what women want? Hideous pajamas and a plethora of panties, after the jump.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

Supermodel PJ party? This never happens, by the way. With supermodels nor mere mortals. Add clothes, booze and thirty pounds to each girl and maybe, just maybe... Actually, no. This never happens.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

If you want to say pussy, why don't you just say pussy? Why all the beating around the bush? Badumbum.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

Gah! Absolutely hideous, right down to the shoes. Nightmares!

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

Please feed the models! This poor dog didn't have to die.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

How to understand this? Lolita-esque lollipops and puppy dogs? Is this what women want in an underwear catalog? Is this what men want? Is this what men who design for women want? Is this what supermodels want? So many questions, not enough fabric. Also, someone should do a comprehensive study of how closely these asses resemble the average American ass.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

Holy guacamole. Are you blind from the fug? The mirrored jewelry box is $40; the ballet slippers re $25; the polyester dress-up dolls are $15 each; the charm bracelet is $28; the passport cover is $12; the satin baseball cap is $15; the logo pill box is $10 and the compact heart mirror is $10... But every single item is absolutely priceless, because so much hideous together is kind of amazing.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

When will Uggs just change its name to Fuggs? Curious.

Victoria's Secret's "Last Minute Gifts": Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyway?

You know how on a box of cereal, they'll show the flakes with berries and milk, with the caption "serving suggestion" ? That's what this is. You can wear these sweaters with pants and shirts, but Vicky doesn't recommend that you do.


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Bloomingdale's "Gifted": Overpriced Brand Names R Us
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J. Crew's "Very Merry Gift Guide"