If you haven't been paying attention to the junk science headlines over the past few months, they basically go like this: basically we humans are Darwinistic herding mammals, blah blah blah Discovery Channel, which is why ovulating strippers make more money, why Paris Hilton put pheromones in her perfume, why I always seem to wind up humping dudes who are allergic to cats, and why some one-man scam business based in Boston is now trying to sell the town on a $2,000-a-year dating service wherein you take a swab from your armpit and submit it for personalized "DNA Matched Dating." What is this all leading to? It's leading to the inevitable point that, like dogs, we choose our mates on the basis of their body odor, or something. Which leads me to a story my friend Todd told the other day: he was broke, and living on ramen in Colorado, and never getting laid. He was so broke he barely bought beer. He was so broke he had to stop buying Degree, his favorite anti-perspirant. Don't get grossed out! He had a few cases of Speed Stick deodorant, the stuff his dad swore by, so he used that and put up with the sweat stains for a few months...
And almost overnight, he started getting laid! "So much," he said. "So much." Think that would work for us? No? Hey, it's an idea.
P.S. this is why internet dating is stupid. Also, there's probably some conclusion to be drawn about cocaine ... but... what do I know about that? No really, I don't know anything. Cuddles!