Today the Today Show crowned America's Next Top Douchebag, and he's a Harvard-educated SAT tutor. He wrote something called How To Get Laid In New York, and apparently his big secret is that he never takes girls out to dinner, because he doesn't like having to converse that much to attain that which he used Microsoft Excel to prove he has a much higher chance of getting if he just buys her a bunch of liquor. Can you tell I have zero rations from the day's outrage supply for this guy? He's just stating the obvious, while wearing some distractingly hiked-up khakis. Anyway, most of the dudes I know who employ his rules are guys I would actually have sex with. A few of them know how to use Excel, too, and some of them might even use it jokingly to prove a point about dating or the sexes or something.

But Paul's just sort of sad. Isn't he? Well, Meredith Vieira doesn't think so. And some doctor thinks he could be victimizing poor young girls! Dear young girls, if you are letting dudes like this victimize you, feel better bc it could be so much worse!