The trailer for Sex and the City tells us both nothing and everything we need to know about the movie, which opens in May: "Friends are forever"; giant flower brooches; kissing Big; wedding dress; blah, blah, blah. After the jump, let's look at it, frame-by-frame. No, really. What the hell else is there to do tonight?

For starters: Holy shit with the flower. Wasn't Carrie working those like eight years ago anyway? I mean, i know fashion is cyclical, but come on.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

Patrick Demarchelier is shooting Carrie in wedding dresses.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

God, Carrie is so fucking fat. JK! Seriously, I had no idea it was even possible for a stomach to be that flat.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

I thought Samantha was the one who wore the pearl necklaces. (Har har.) OK, so now this is where we start seeing some '80s themes. Is this movie a prequel?

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

'Cause this is Carrie's outfit from the show's opening credits.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

And the bitch still doesn't have a damn cell phone.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

Speaking of '80s...I though Miranda would be the one to sport the Paula Poundstone outfit.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

Miranda gets mad about something.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

And then takes a serious autumn walk with Carrie, who's now wearing soft brown hair.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

Charlotte is shocked by something.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

But that's not what concerns me. I'm more interested in those Post It notes next to her. After staring at them for an inordinate amount of time, I've decided that they say "storage," "toss," and "take," which leads me to believe that the girls are at Carrie's apartment, helping her to pack so she can move to Big's.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

OK, so here, Charlotte is dressed like M.I.A., but with a "Carrie" bandanna, and everyone else looks disgusting. After seeing some more Post Its in the background, I'm thinking that while helping her pack, the girls found some of Carrie's Ghosts of Fashions Past, and being silly (probably after a Cosmo or two) they dressed up in them.

OMG! It's The Sex And The City Movie Trailer!S

Sex and the City (2008) [AOL]

Earlier: Christina Aguilera As Sex & The City's Samantha: "I'm A Man"