December 4, New York. Image via Bauer-Griffin.

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You've totally been to this Starbucks. Even though it's just one of, like, 3000 Starbucks locations in Manhattan, you've been there, because, seriously, you've been to every single one. And when you find a seat in the vicinity of an outlet, and you park yourself and shell out the $9.99 to use their fucking T-Mobile Hotspot (you'll totally expense it, you tell yourself every time, as if you have even gotten around to filing expenses since the last time you paid taxes) there is NO MOTHERFUCKING WAY YOU ARE MOVING MOTHERFUCKER. Oh, hi, uh, Chelsea. Yeah, no, you can use my outlet, I can stop charging my BlackBerry for a minute...sure. Um, could you watch my seat while I go get another gingerbread latte? Want one? There's totally a sugar-free version...