OMG new obvious study alert! Evolutionary Psychology just published a study of 1,000 subjects who declare water to be wet! Ha ha ha no kidding, course, though there's a wetness/saliva angle to this one; so here goes. Bad kissers do not get laid as much. About sixty percent of some group of people who are probably college kids who don't even know any better agree: you can be attracted to someone, and then he or she turns out to be bad at kissing, and then it's total Sudden Revulsion Syndrome (SRS). The problem worsens as people get older and what used to be forgivable by braces/pulsing teenage hormones suddenly becomes an issue of "What the fuck is your problem that no one trained you how to do this by now?" So imagine my surprise, when over the summer I'm out performing karaoke w. a sometime makeout buddy, and he drops the "You're a bad kisser" uh, bomb.
"What?" I laughed, stumbling over because I was drunk.
"You are. You're a totally bad kisser," he said, and then kissed me, and then laughed.
The next day he told me it was a joke, and I kind of think that if I'd really been that bad a kisser he would not have um consummated the whole thing, though in retrospect he probably would have anyway. However, it brought to mind an interesting query: can you get worse at kissing? Can one's kissing skills diminish through lack of practice? Is it just like anything, like video games or the SATs? What you're amazing at in high school when you're spending, like, 47% of your time making out, you lose with so many brain cells?
An ex-boyfriend who claims I am a good kisser says there are two types of bad kissers, the slobbery ones we all remember from keg parties and the ones who never "speed up or slow down, they don't react to the pace at all; the passive recipients. Not 'dead fish', more like 'neutral.' Pliant, perfectly willing, but uninvolved." So what side do I err on?? "I have to draw the line somewhere!" he IM-ed nervously, "or else pretty soon we'll be doing it bucknaked for the jezebel livecam." Ewwww!
But hey, if it would get that far I can't be that bad, right?
"Oh wait, no, you're a good kisser. It just took me a sec to remember," he finally offered. "It's not like you pigeonhole people in your head into good/bad kisser groups."
Um, yes you do? And that would be why you can never trust shit they say about you; that and Tom Sykes; the end.