The Bergdorf Goodman "Holiday Gifts" catalog is a shocking artifact. Because the "gifts" it offers range in price from $95 to $138,000. Are you ready to look at items that cost more than some people on this planet will ever make in a year? After the jump, an $18,000 makeup case, a $2,800 ballpoint pen and a $25,000 briefcase. Yay recession!

This is the first item offered: dark ganache-filled chocolates, priced at $275 for a box of 100. They're "finely decorated," though, so, you know, worth every penny.

Ah, Goyard. French for "that price is bananas." This canvas/leather/nickel "vanity trunk" comes with Lancôme products picked by Lancôme International Artistic Director Gucci Westman. It's 12 inches high and yours for the low, low price of $18,000. No, Ms. Westman doesn't come to your home to show you how to apply the makeup. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Oh, add these to your Goyard trunk! Bobbi Brown limited edition brush colletion in a leather box, $650. That's right, makeup brushes that cost over $600 bucks. But wait! They have 24k gold accents and ebony handles. And did we mention the leather box?

Do people carry briefcases anymore? Alligator briefcases? This one has a personal lock and was made in Italy. Price? $25,000. Or you could buy a baby gator for $45 and teach it to carry your laptop. Just an idea.

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You may find this necklace ugly, but it's handcrafted in 24k gold, oxidized "gilver" (which is a mix of gold and silver) and diamonds. Made in Turkey — where the per capita income is about $7,400 — this necklace has a retail price of $138,000. Still ugly.

A sterling silver Cartier fountain pen makes a lovely gift indeed, and you can pass it down to your children if you don't lose it under the bed, in the bottom of a bag or in a taxi. Fountain pen, $3,150; ballpoint pen, $2,800.

If none of these prices have shocked you so far, then you need a lovely silver crocodile wallet to hold whatever petty cash you carry around to tip service people. $1,495.

Cocktail rings are so hot right now! This one is "one of a kind" and handcrafted in 18k gold with tourmalines and rubelite garnets. Hurry, it might already be taken! $36,000.

Dear Diary, You are the least expensive item in the catalog. You are leather-bound and come with a lock and key closure. You're shown in red, but you also come in white, purple, turquoise and silver. You're pretty, but you're kind of empty inside. Seems like I have to do all the work in this relationship, and yet you cost $95. You make me wonder if my writing is even good enough to be ruining your lovely pages. You're giving me low self-esteem. This will be my only and final entry. Love, Me.

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[Bergdorf Goodman]