It's a very special Crappy Hour, because for the first time Wonkette's Megan Carpentier and I, Moe Tkacik, are actually sitting on the couch watching debate reruns and feeling crappy and it's the very same couch. And it's a good thing, because she just noticed the whole apartment smelled of gas. (Not the kind you're thinking of!) Okay, so there was a debate last night neither of us watched. Did I say that already? Fuck it, I don't remember. It's Friday. How does real-life proximity affect the "Crappy Hour"? Let's just say the Google ads were all for "Mineral Makeup." Oh god, I need to open the window...
HANGMOEVER: So, you totally think my apartment is pathetic.
MEGYN: Nah, your apartment is fucking awesome for New York. When I lived here, I lived up by Columbia and had roaches so big they scared the rats.
9:48 AM And far less furniture. And biting ants.
9:52 AM HANGMOEVER: Hahaha oh yeah, that's right, I forgot you used to live here even though you told me, like, an hour ago. Okay, so: uh. We're watching Fox News, and yet weirdly I haven't heard them say anything about how Hillary "won" the debate last night. But that could be just me, completely missing vast swaths of what's going on, because I am a drunk with ADD. Do they even cover the debate? Should I switch channels? Or you could. The remote is right there on the coffee table. I think you press the "down" button for CNN.
9:53 AM MEGYN: I think they mentioned it for like 5 minutes. She wore a pantsuit, hit back at the other candidates for being mean, etc.
9:54 AM Also: light purple eyeshadow. Pretty!
9:55 AM But, yeah, basically shades of the Lazio thing, trying to score points by playing off them being mean to the girl.
HANGMOEVER: Oh, so you've reversed your position of ten minutes ago on the eyeshadow?
Oh god Lazio was such a twerp.
MEGYN: I didn't say it wasn't pretty! I said it was really bright for that outfit! But I like shiny things. I've got copper eyeshadow in my bag for when I get dressed.
9:56 AM HANGMOEVER: I think her eyeshadow was MAC. It looks white in the box, but it's actually very pale iridescent lavender.
MEGYN: Yeah, I buy most of my makeup at CVS. I'm really cheap like that.
9:58 AM HANGMOEVER: Oooooh, Nars makes this eyeshadow called Blade Runner that's like a coppery red-green pairing. I think I got it from a beauty editor. I can totally show you because it's like, in the bathroom! But my makeup is totally shameful. Like, my eyeshadow is all cracked and charred and I always end up applying it with Q-tips, and sometimes I actually use the same Q-tip to clean out my ears. But the other side, of course. Although I think we are running out of Q-tips. I personally think eye shadow is more important than wax-free ears.
9:59 AM MEGYN: Yeah, earwax=invisible.
10:00 AM But, I asked Jim Newell what he thought of Obama, since the news is all Hillary, Hillary, inevitable Hillary, and he said; "as for obama, he seemed to get flustered pretty easily when clinton went on the offensive against him, which she hasn't really done before. then he'd start crying. i swear he was crying like a little dingus. this is all i have to say about the black man barack obama."
10:03 AM HANGMOEVER: I can't believe Jim Newell is so young. When I was that young I was not so successful or smart. Although: i was probably smarter than I am now. I do not remember because I got drunk. Wow. That lady on Fox is H.O.T.
MEGYN: And not blonde! I didn't realize they hired hot women who weren't blonde. She sounds smart, too.
10:05 AM HANGMOEVER: Anyway, what she's talking about, so readers know, is that Israel is concerned that Iran had nukes. And you just said, in real life, "It's news." And I actually laughed out loud, like LOL, but for real. Anyway, didn't we establish that Iran didn't have nukes? And that Israel does? Oh wait, I get it, we're watching FOX.
And they hate Barry Bonds because he's black.
10:06 AM You just LOL-ed! Who's IM-ing you???? IT'S JIM, ISN'T IT? That precocious little successful smart kid who replaced that other precocious smart kid running Wonkette.
10:07 AM MEGYN: Actually, my best friend just said he knows I'm not nearly cool enough for all this, and he's right, so I laughed.
10:08 AM I laugh out loud at Jim's war on Paultards. That shit's hilarious. The spam alone makes me snort laughing.
HANGMOEVER: My ex-boyfriend's more recent ex-girlfriend is obsessed with Ron Paul apparently, though I'm not supposed to talk about him on the site.
Also I need to use the charger so can we switch places on the couch?
MEGYN: Yeah, sure. I'm taking my coffee with me, though
HANGMOEVER: See, I could have just asked you that VERBALLY, but I'm trying to emphasize the fact that we are ACTUALLY IN THE SAME ROOM.
MEGYN: um, also, we should probably open a window. no wonder we're high and feeling stupid. you left the gas going on the stove!
10:15 AM HANGMOEVER: Ha ha ha, well see earlier this morning I had this plan to toast english muffins, only I kind of don't trust my TOASTER because it always SMELLS FUNNY. (Isn't it ironic?) And then I capitulated and bought that bagel with cream cheese, which you can eat the other half of if you're interested.
I will also open the window
When I feel like moving again.
MEGYN: i would have to move to reach the bagel.
HANGMOEVER: Okay, ISSUE ONE.
"Actually, fuck it, we'll be Stalin."
I have an intercrush! And it's not fair he is 22. He probably also likes the Replacements, like Pareene. Did you know that Pareene has the same birthday as Harry Potter? Not the fictional character, but the actor who plays him in the movie.
MEGYN: Daniel Radcliffe is hot.
HANGMOEVER: ISSUE 2: Fox is yapping and yapping about how they are banning the valedictorian honors at some high school. Even they can't summon fucking outrage about that. Who is this bitch? Fuck it, I'm changing the channel. It will probably burn half a calorie but I don't care.
MEGYN: Also, as a Megan, I have to say that I'm not down with "Megyn". Gyn=lady bits, and so her name is like "I'm a cunt"
HANGMOEVER: Okay so I've changed the channel. And what do you know? Hillary's on. God, John Edwards could not be more insincere looking.
See, you just said you thought he was cute.
MEGYN: True. If it wasn't for the little-boy hair.
I would rather run my hands over Obama's hair.
HANGMOEVER: Hey, question. Have you ever sat down at your couch to blog, and taken a swig of the glass of water on the coffee table, and then realized like a minute later it as actually last night's flat gin and tonic?
Wait, SERIOUSLY? Someone SERIOUSLY ASKED HER IF SHE PREFERRED DIAMONDS OR PEARLS?????
MEGYN: I never let liquor go to waste by leaving it on the table.
HANGMOEVER: HAS SOMEONE SERIOUSLY NEVER HEARD OF KANYE WEST???
MEGYN: And, yes. Because everyone is as shallow as us.
HANGMOEVER: So like... do we know what she said?
MEGYN: Like any smart woman, she wants both.
HANGMOEVER: Is there a hip new way to say "moving to Canada"? I'm always last to know new slang.
MEGYN: Screw Canada. I'm going to Europe. I do like the French men.