So maybe you've heard of this Marion Barry-Tim Page scandal: Marion Barry being that perennial DC mayor who got framed by the FBI and his old girlfriend into smoking crack on the surveillance tape that turned the highly eloquent utterance "Bitch Set Me Up" into a memorable catchphrase back before I even knew I was allowed — unlike John McCain! — to say "bitch," and Tim Page, a Pulitzer prizewinning music critic who was the unwilling recipient of a press release about him.
Must we hear about it every time this crack addict attempts to rehabilitate himself with some new - and typically half-witted - political grandstanding?
he replied in an (obviously drunk) email to the sender.
I'd be grateful if you would take me off your mailing list. I cannot think of anything the useless Marion Barry could do that would interest me in the slightest, up to and including overdose.
Now naturally, Tim has since apologized and said he didn't really mean any of that, but hasn't he left us with the bones for a handy form letter for expressing our sentiments re: a few of society's more salient tools? We can't really send it posthumously to Anna Nicole Smith, but what about Britney, and Bill O'Reilly? What about Paris and her made-up drunken elephants?
What about every single person involved in the latest scandal to rock the Giuliani campaign wherein uberagent Judith Regan sues her former employer Rupert Murdoch — whom you'll remember fired her in the wake of her masterminding that book by O.J. Simpson about how he would have masterminded the murder of his wife if the "real killer" hadn't gotten there first — claiming he told her to lie about her gangsta lover Bernie Kerik, to protect Rudy's reputation? (Because, you know, she's about the only woman who wouldn't believably lie about Bernie Kerik to protect her ownreputation.) What about Ann Coulter, and all the academics responsible for "studies" of really mundane shit I'd rather not waste my consciousness thinking any more about? And most importantly, what about me...My god you guys, I am so fucking sick of myself. I can barely summon the energy to pick up the remote and switch the channel to...the only thing more appropriate would be a "Head-On" commercial...