Some genius had the ideal to compile a tome called The Complete Book of Aunts. We're not even being facetious: We really do think that this person is a genius. Because starting with the First Lady of Aunties, Rosalind Russell's Auntie Mame, aunts have always proved themselves to be a pretty wacky bunch. And most of the time, they're wacky in a good way. Of my own aunts, I have one who left me to be babysat by Patti Smith in her dressing room when I was the tender age of 5; one who pretended to be some sort of sociopathic stalker instead of 'fessing up that she had accidentally grabbed someone else's luggage at the airport. (She even went so far as to track down their phone number, and left the poor unsuspecting souls a message that began, "Surprise, surprise...If you ever want to see your luggage again...") And I'm not alone!
When Dodai was young, her aunt came over to model the glow-in-the-dark jeans she'd purchased to wear to Studio 54. Another time this same aunt took Dodai and her siblings "to great adventure's drive through safari — she brought boiled eggs and sardines for the road trip — the car smelled insane and we got attacked by monkeys."
The Anonymous Lobbyist has an aunt who is only 5'1" but has a habit of making threats on salespeople. Moe has an aunt "who is a nurse practitioner and likes to prescribe anyone and everyone meds." She once called the sheriff on her brother. At 11 o'clock at night. "This aunt is crazy in a bad way, obvs. She was also anorexic, perhaps unsurprisingly." Who doesn't love an anorexic with a prescription pad?! We know we're not alone — tell us the antics of your lovable aunties!