Dear Page Six Magazine,:
Congratulations! Like a true target audience member I read your latest issue intently over brunch, simultaneously transfixed and appalled, a combination of emotions I generally associate exclusively with the New York Times Sunday Styles Section. There was the cover line, attributed to some actress named Kristin Chenoweth with whose career I was entirely unfamiliar with but who cares, you got her to say: "I'LL GO TO AFRICA AND GET A BABY IF THAT'S WHAT I WANT." Then there was model and Cisco Adlerdoer Lydia Hearst's column on playing beer pong and getting matching tattoos with Cisco and their four best dudefriends: "We thought it would be a good way to bond and distinguish ourselves — I feel we are living in a very conformist society... We want to create an Andy Warhol-esque atmosphere in our own time — we call it Factory 2.0— where people can have creative outbursts." Jesus. Both Kristin and Lydia currently live in L.A., but the unintentionally funny blend of haughtiness/outrageous self-aggrandizement/puke-inducing entitlement/ misc. cluelessness was sooooo not quarantined to the Golden State!
The opening line of your new girl-about-town Faran Krentcil's gossip column "Six & The City": "The problem with cliches is they're usually true: Me, the blonde, curly haired girl writing tales of my 'fabulous' life..." was but a mere apertif to the entree of mindblowing WTF-ecdote about the stockbroker with the hedge fund husband who tried to get a clause inserted into their pre-nup granting him the right to renegotiate if she gained more than five pounds in any three-year period.
I was floored. I didn't know it at the time, but within a few hours I would receive an email from a reader, subject headed "are you going to post on this week's P6 Mag?"
And yes, yes it was. But all of it paled in comparison to a little nugget I caught on Page 30, from the informative city-wide salary survey of New York women, from West Village yogini Jean Koerner, 40. Asked about her biggest dislikes about teaching yoga, she says, without commentary:
Because you and I are the only people I know who read it and I am now addicted to both it and your column. My bf is the one who buys the Post and I stole P6Mag out of his copy before he could get to it. At this point, is Lydia Hearst just trying to sound like an idiotic asshole so that Gawker will cover her? Her diary page was amazing. Also, the pull-quote from Chenowith's interview that they put on the cover was awesome.
"There are a lot of egos in the yoga world."
At which point, I looked up from my egg sandwich to read the line aloud to my roommate, when I caught a "look" from the waitress, and realized it was time to make way for her next 20-25%. They don't fuck around, the brunch people. There's not a lot of time for reflection, or whatever; onto the next yoga class already! Ha ha ha, or maybe the next DRINK.