Non-specific famous person Tinsley Mortimer* has just disclosed what seems to be a somewhat hazily-kept weekly food diary** of the contents of what she terms a week her "low-carb lifestyle" to New York Magazine, and it is difficult to describe beyond: It. Will. Shock. You. Her week begins with a Saturday order to Domino's Pizza, renowned in New York for its authentic "Brooklyn-style" pizza, but Tinsley orders the lower carbohydrate "Crispy Melt" pizza, mainly because it comes with a free order of Cinna Stix and/or Brownie Bites, and also maybe an Oreo Pizza, if you order two. Tinsley would have us believe she consumes all of those things over the course of the day, minus the one pizza she saves for Sunday, and if true and she utilized the accompanying dipping sauces this comes to 6,810 CALORIES*** OF FOOD that would probably be more nourishing if it contained trans-fats, and it only goes downhill from there ... Equal is consumed with abandon, then a few days of total high-fat carb restriction is broken with something we learned from Google was a kind of pasta, and she makes Amy Winehouse look like FUCKING GWENYTH PALTROW etc. etc.
Dear Tinsley, I could not be more earnest when I say PLEASE GET HELP. Surely the do-gooder philanthropist in you was only trying to shed light on America's most common eating disorder, but if you want to continue curing cancer and saving children through the magic of reality TV and handbag design, you need to consume something in the course of a week that is healthier than a glass of red wine. Like Kombucha!
Or fucking beer.
*I used to have a stance on Tinsley Mortimer, and that stance was "Who the fuck is she?" A few months ago I switched that stance to: "I do not want my readers to be burdened with familiarity of the idiotic name/ meaningless antics/ overall nothingness of one more alleged 'New York socialite!!!'" And then a few weeks ago I adjusted it again, because her marriage is totally fascinating.
**Yeah, I also used to have a stance on food diaries, which was, "I hate them," but, um, obviously.
***Most calorie estimates generated using data from the Domino's website added together in my head, for which I can only say, it's not as warped as someone's