Ashley Olsen & Lance Armstrong Get It On

  • New couple alert! Ashley Olsen showed up at a swanky New York bar with cyclist Lance Armstrong! She sat on his lap and "they were making out all night." In case you're wondering, she is 21 and he is 36. And — considering his past — obviously has a thing for blondes. [Page Six]
  • Britney Spears' label has given up on trying to involve her in promoting her new CD. Also: Someone saw Britney wandering around the locker room of the Four Seasons hotel in L.A. — wearing just a bikini bottom. A woman asked where the pool was and Britney replied, "Oh, is there a pool here?" [Rush & Molloy]
  • Oh, and Britney did not regain custody of her kids. Commissioner Scott Gordon says the environment at her house is "chaotic" and is allowing her three monitored visits a week. Also, Britney must childproof her pool area. [TMZ]
  • Plus, the Catholic League is pissed that Britney posed sitting on a priest's lap for her BlackoutCD booklet. Yawn! [MTV]
  • Jennifer Lopez's new CD tanked, her movie El Cantante was not a box office blockbuster, and her next film, Bordertown, is going straight to video. Poor thing! [Page Six]
  • Karrine "Superhead" Steffans says ex-boyfriend Bill Maher "wants someone he can put down in an argument, tell you how ghetto you are, how big your butt is, and that you're an idiot. That's why you never see him with a white girl or an intellectual." Ugh, enough already. [Page Six]
  • After model Petra Nemcova was onstage at an event holding her heels in her hand, Harper's Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey came onstage and said, "I'm not taking off my shoes. They're Prada." To which Ivana Trump snorted, "Hah, the devil wears Prada!" [Page Six]
  • Michael Jackson will be on the cover of Ebony magazine, which is just weird. [Page Six]
  • Mischa Barton's younger sister Hania showed up so "wasted" at a Hollywood fashion show last weekend, the designer wouldn't let her walk the runway. Hania turned 19 on February 18 and went to rehab February 19. Someone give that kid a reality show! [Page Six]
  • Jessica Simpson and Owen Wilson's date went well — "he couldn't keep his hands off her," a source says. [Gatecrasher]
  • Kate Moss has told ex Pete Doherty he can keep all the royalties from songs she co-wrote on the Babyshambles album. Hey, she's got TopShop cash coming in! [The Sun]
  • Did you see Mario Lopez's skimpy Halloween costume? Look closely, it's there somewhere. [TMZ]