Short Girls With Large Tits: "Experts" Would Rather You Looked Fat Than Slutty

As I have said on at least one previous occasion, I used to think that, for a heterosexual woman, I spend a lot of time thinking about (usually my) breasts. However, come to find out, I'm not alone! We all wonder how that most visible sign of our sexuality makes us look in the eyes of others! The advice of "experts" comes down to this: put 'em away, ladies, because no one takes us seriously if they're big and/or exposed.

Today, HuffPo blogger/self-help book author/owner of the far-from-poorly- displayed breasts seen here, Karen Salmansohn, appeared on the Today show (below) and blogged about cleavage in the workplace.

Short Girls With Large Tits: "Experts" Would Rather You Looked Fat Than SluttyS
Cleavage at the office: Inappropriate?

Her initial point is that all us ladies "know" when we're showing off too much cleavage. To a degree, yes, she's right. I know what shirts are office-appropriate and which are decidedly not, based on a cursory examination in the mirror. However, it has also come to my attention that, as a rather short person, what my boobs look like from where my eyes sit and from where the eyes of a much taller man sit are two starkly different things. Having seen pictures from certain angles, I can guarantee that I had no idea when I left the house that there was not only some cleavage but actual curvature showing (which is probably the office-appropriate line in my profession). So, despite Karen's assertion, you really don't always know (and, you may never know unless someone tells you).

In addition, she says that covering them up as much as possible while still being feminine is the best option, which sounds good on the surface. However, it's a little harder in practice. Let's try, say, turtlenecks? Wearing a turtleneck doesn't do anything to minimize one's ability to notice my breasts, believe me, plus everyone then thinks I have a hickey. High-necked shirts tend to make me look prissy and/or frumpy and, if they hang straight down from my breasts (rather than angling in), I look heavier and/or pregnant. I'm short, so there's not a lot of space between my collar bone and my cleavage, making it difficult, at best, to buy something in the middle. I have tried every single minimizing strategy with little success (besides buying one of the horrific contraptions that bind them down and keep them from moving) and the end results were: everyone still knew I had big knockers, more people thought I was uncomfortable with them, some people overestimated my weight, and I hated every piece of clothing I owned because I felt like I was trying to hide my body, rather than clothe it. Plus, how many times have you heard a more masculinely-attired or covered-up woman get called a "dyke" or something similar? It's a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't scenario, and everybody knows that.

Even worse, Karen also cites "research" that those of us rather decidedly "blessed" with big ones automatically get taken less seriously by men. And, to this, my response is, um, assholes? The size of my breasts are not at all a determinant of my level of intelligence or my ability to do my job. The fat cells in my chest have no bearing whatsoever on my intellectual capabilities, I promise, though they may well affect my archery skills and ability to pitch in baseball games.

So, I guess I wonder: when we're running around castigating and judging other women (or men) for the appropriateness of their bodies (whether that be weight, or breast size, clothing choices or hairstyles) and scheduling TV segments and writing blog posts about how women ought to dress to fit preconceived notions about what one's sexuality (or race, or clothing choices) says about one's intelligence, can we maybe try having one person on who says that it's time to start talking about why we have these preconceived notions and how to stop? I mean, rather than just discussing what people can do to satisfy better those preconceived notions? Kthxbai.