Today, like every day, I began by washing down ten milligrams of Adderall with a bottle of Kombucha and about 24 ounces of Arabian Mocha Sanani. Just getting all this shit together — today for some reason my pills were underneath the couch and my coffee grinder was above the fridge — is enough of a challenge; then came the thirteen-hour struggle to find the Firefox tab I was looking at before I clicked on that other tab before my little iChat icon started jumping up and down and oh shit what was I doing again... It's enough to make anyone ADD, right??? Why yes, says a story in the latest issue of O Magazine, only instead of using the term "ADD" they go with the less blatantly pharmaceutical advertiser-fellating "overwhelm." Quaint! So, not to overwhelm, but want to know if you're overwhelmed? Stop everything right now and watch this video, paying careful attention to count how many times the team in the white shirts pass the ball.
How many did you count? Anna got 13, I got 14...
Or wait, did you get too distracted by the guy in the gorilla suit to count? Because you know, there was a guy in a gorilla suit and that's what was supposed to happen; you were supposed to see him but the problem is that these days no one notices anything because they're all too busy looking at their Blackberries since they're the only screens small and technologically limited enough to actually convey information anymore.
But take heart! You didn't just double the amount of RAM in your computer because you didn't need to gorge your brain on pointless overstimulation to the point that it didn't require your every ounce of concentration to perform the most menial task. Wait, or maybe you didn't ever want that? Maybe you'd trade in your hard drive for a ditto machine and a purple Trapper Keeper any day if you could? Wait a second, am I still making sense? Can you follow what I'm saying? Nevermind, the point is: you're probably wondering what's going on with your brain that it can't register obvious facts anymore, which is why I Googled that for you. It's called Inattentional blindness, and it's also what happens when you try to drive drunk. Comforting, yes? Is it too early to rejoice in the fact we don't have to drive anywhere?