Wanna Score A "Hot Chick"? Point A Gun At Her

Gossip blogs can be insanely fun to read; they can also be insanely fucking sexist. Welcome back to "Missdemeanors", the weekly feature in which we charge the web's most popular (and yes, influential) gossip bloggers for egregious Crimes Against Womanity. In this week's installment, Brendan from What Would Tyler Durden Do? makes rape jokes, DListed's Michael K villifies Brit's vagina, while Todd from I Don't Like You In That Way confirms everyone's suspicions that he's the biggest douchebag on the web. Let the Jezebel Justice System begin!



The Charge: Vulgarizing the Vagina
The Accused: DListed's adorable and really hard to hate Michael K.
The Evidence: "Oh speaking of frothy, chunky and creamy, click here to see a picture of Brit Brit flashing her real PINK EYE yesterday. Actually, it's a little brown with flecks of black and red."
Points for Good Behavior: The last line of this post, in typical self-deprecating form, almost made us spill our morning coffee on our own crotch. "I am more familiar with her labia than my own ass lips. That's the truth." Damnit, he's funny.
The Sentence: Buying our tampons every month for the next year!


The Charge: Slandering The Female Form
The Accused: Perez Hilton blogger Mario Lavandeira, who, as much as we'd like to ignore him, will never not be on this list of gossip blogger offenses.
The Evidence: "How many chins does Britney Spears have? We're counting some triple chin action here! How many do U see????"
Points for Good Behavior: Luckily, as per usual, "P-Nasty" acknowledges his own disgusting lard ass, saying, "Perez has beat her by four additional chins", however, we're really sick of people saying Britney Spears, a woman who's has two babies in two years, is fat. If we ate a steady diet of Cheetos and Taco Bell, we'd weigh well over 200lbs and Britney could still bench press us. She's strong and curvy, bitch, not fat!
The Sentence: Banned from Paris Hilton's Halloween Party.


The Charge: Race-iness
The Accused: I Don't Like You In That Way's dude blogger Todd.
The Evidence: For starters: "If seeing short, flat Mexican chicks getting plowed by NBA players is your thing, then today is your lucky day. It is widely speculated that an Eva Longoria sex tape may hit online as early as this month." Not to mention: "Some people need plastic surgery. Some people like Kim Kardashian. Pictures of an Iraqi runaway pretending to do reverse cowgirl probably isn't going to be the Internet sensation Eric Ford had in mind."
Points for Good Behavior: Seriously, this guy could get a weekly column of his own, he's so offensive. He gets negative points for making it hard for us to choose which post was the most hateable.
The Sentence: Dump him, Jenny, dump him!


The Charge: Rah-Rah Rape Jokes
The Accused: The Superficial and I Don't Like You In That Way alum Brendan, who, by the way, has a gross beefy body with an American-flag armband tattoo according to this pic on his MySpace page. Lo. Ser.
The Evidence: "Being as rich as Richard Branson seems pretty cool. You can hold parties for your airline and then hot chicks show up and you can pick them up and do whatever you want with them. Just between you and me, you can also achieve this same result by pointing a gun at them. Oh, and drugs, don't forget about drugs."
Points For Good Behavior: None. And we hate him even more for totally mis-understanding the role of Tyler Durden in Fight Club, not to mention using woman-loving Brad Pitt in his site logo.
The Sentence: Umm, prison rape, obvs.


The Charge: Obsession with Skinniness
The Accused: The Skinny's Rian is back and this time she actually admits she thinks skinny is best. Shocker!
The Evidence: "Is it OK for models to look like normal people, or should they be thinner? Personally (and I know I'll be blasted for saying this, but oh well), I think clothing models should be thinner than the average person, for various reasons."
Points for Good Behavior: So Rian never hates on anyone who's fat, but we're getting really sick of her dim-bulb approach to blogging about this topic — just because you ask you readers for their opinion on whether model Gemma Ward is fat, doesn't mean your post doesn't blatantly imply that you think she's a cow. And for the record, Gemma was in a yoga class of ours a couple weeks ago and we were delighted to see she sucked. Models: They're just like US!
The Sentence: A padlock on her toilet bowl for one month.