Today the esteemed British newspaper The Daily Mail ponders that age-old question: When men cheat, why do their wives blame the other woman? I've thought about this a lot, because I've been the "other woman," a fact that brought me a huge amount of soul-wrenching grief for a brief period about four years back that I'd almost completely repressed until she called me up a month ago and reminded me she was still recovering from the aftershocks of my shitty 25-year-old judgment. (Moral: Just say no, repeat as necessary, etc.) I was surprised, however, that she had directed so much anger at me for what was clearly HIS BAD. We were all lapsed Catholics: "adultery" is the mortal sin; "coveting they neighbor's midlife-deranged husband" is merely venal. But I gleaned some insight into the situation when I read a sickening column in last month's Arena by a guy who had never gotten so much O.P. pussy since he tied the knot. The crux of the story was something like, "Women are vile creatures who will do anything to prove to themselves that they are better than other women and what better way to prove that than tantalize a man sufficiently to seduce him into a potentially life-destroying dalliance?"
Um, EARTH TO HUMANS: the people who write scripts in which women act that way are generally MEN. Specifically, men trying to justify to themselves cheating on their wives by saying "women are as bad as men" but newsflash guys we're not. Most women who get involved with married men have kind of the opposite problem. Me, I'd just been fired from a job and hadn't had a boyfriend in approximately three decades and so it was part of a "my life is destined to suck" phase I was going through. And although I was grateful for his friendship, I realized when I found a single boyfriend that I had actually fooled myself into thinking no one would ever want me as primary care provider. No seriously, that's how women can be stupid. Anyway, so we're all equally stupid, which is why I need to remind you now: don't fuck around with someone who is married and married people, seriously, hello, maybe try therapy first.
And finally, if you're reading, I am truly, really, genuinely sorry.