October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and today's Independent has a an article titled "How To Avoid Breast Cancer." Eating fruit is a no-brainer. And we just learned that drinking less makes a huge impact. But there's more! In fact, using the information in the Independent and that in other news reports, we've compiled a *cough* definitive list of how not to get breast cancer. It's easy! After the jump, find out all you have to do. (And keep in mind that every tip except for the one about fruit will probably be disputed before the month is over.)

• Walk — brisk walking is great for you!
• But don't wear antiperspirant while you're exercising! The aluminum may cause cancer.
• Avoid hormones.
• Or don't! A 40-year study says the pill cuts your long-term risk of cancer.
• Get screened.
• Have Kids.
• Breastfeed.
• Or maybe don't! Prolactin, a hormone that stimulates breast development and milk production could also promote cancer cells.
• Lose weight.
• Get a stressful job. Daily stress reduces your risk by 40%.
• But make sure it's "good" stress! Because bad stress causes cancer.
• But don't work the nightshift.
• Live somewhere clean, less polluted. (Good luck with that!)
• Be white.

Earlier: They Don't Call It The 'Graveyard Shift' For Nothing
That Stinks
Good News: Popping The Pill Fights Cancer

Send an email to Dodai, the author of this post, at dodai@jezebel.com.