'Page Six Magazine': The Glossy Publication Of Our Functionally Retarded Generation

The best way to describe the brand new Page Six Magazine is New York as told to Life & Style, a verdict we would have delivered sooner if the president of Iran had not provided such irresistible fodder for our celebrity. fashion. feminism. website.* To be sure, we hear the News Corp overlords gave the editorial team approximately forty-seven minutes to launch the thing, but on the other hand, the editorial team was stocked with alums of Jane and Radar and the magazine reads like it's vying to steal the transit authority's lucrative "Learn English" account. In a way, it's almost appealingly illiterate: snotty society types like Arden Wohl and Carine Roitfeld feel more like footballer's wives in the large, bubbly fonts offset by subheads laden with retarded "Six" puns. (SIXaholic! SIX and the City!)

'Page Six Magazine': The Glossy Publication Of Our Functionally Retarded Generation

There's also something to be said for the ingeniousness of its editorial-advertising department synergy: in one six-page (ooh, see what we did there?) feature, "Fall Fashion Picks from the Pros," the magazine actually enlists executives at five major department stores to assemble seasonal "looks" from clothes, accessories and cosmetics all entirely available at their respective employers. (Also intriguingly, the stylist on the feature appears to have been paid by the department stores themselves?) But where the magazine exercises editorial independence it falls flat: its warmed-over list of the 25 best-dressed ladies at New York Fashion Week included Teen Vogue editor Amy Astley, whom we've pictured here so you can ogle all that personal style she is exuding. Its columnists, too, are still clearly finding their voices: an item by "Socializer" columnist Kelly Killoren Bensimon contains the puzzling rumination: "You can't afford cigarettes or taxis anymore. Might as well walk outside. Might as well walk outside and inhale the toxic fumes. I look at it as the new nicotine." Huh. However, as with any middling celebrity tabloid, P6TM serves up a few little nuggets of gold blissfully un-couched by editorial commentary. Like for instance here's author Jonathan Safran Foer complaining about the movie Liev Schrieber made from his book:

"There's an old saying. Don't f—- a pig in the a— and then bitch and moan when your d—- smells like s—- the next day."
Uhhhhh, no comment!

*And also, to be sure, if we hadn't been writing a miniscule item for the magazine earlier, because we have a lot of friends who work there, at least we did before we wrote this review.