The 'Other' Miss South Carolina Story, Or, Being Smart Will Get You Nowhere In This Life Exhibit LMVXI

You know how Miss America bills itself as a "scholarship program", which is why no one watches it and it has had to change locations and television networks approximately 37 times in the past three years? Well no one encapsulates this sad dilemma with more talent and poise than Miss South Carolina! Unlike certain other females with that particular bullet point on their resumes, this one is not blonde/braindead. She got into Wharton! And I hate the concept of business school more than, like, anything, but even I would be the first to say "being a viral marketing sensation on Youtube" is not going to get you a past the first round of interviews. Anyway, Miss South Carolina was supposed to get $20,000 for her studies from the Miss America organization, which will buy you about a week at Wharton but whatevs it's the thought that counts, but Miss America has no money and never coughed it up.

Anyway, we found it sad — if not surprising — that focusing on talent and service and "scholarship" just won't cut it in an "Age of Love" society, so we actually found a Jezebel correspondent to tune into the pageant on Friday while we were drinking, just to show our support for this dying breed of classy gals who manage to combine beauty AND really nebulous "talents." Her dispatches:

OMG they just had a "costume" competition, and there was:

1. A stalk of corn

2. A grizzly bear

3. Seven million pretty offensive interpretations of slutty native Americans

and so so much more.

Twenty minutes later..
swear to God that competitions include:

1. Fastest diaper changing.

2. Taking your makeup off.

3. Taking a tequila shot.

Sweet jesus.

At which point we thought, Miss America has never been so awesome! And then we realized everyone was drunk and it was Mrs. America that was airing and Miss South Carolina should probably just get married because that's what sells pharmaceutical advertising these days.

Winners Cite Broken Promises In Pageants [NY Times]