My Week With A $4000 Snakeskin Handbag

Perhaps you recall: I own one handbag. Which is why under normal circumstances, I might have glazed over today's Daily Mail story on the booming python handbag industry, wherein poor Indonesians venture into the jungle and risk being eaten alive by the 20-foot long endangered snakes they are trying to trap so they can nail them to trees, peel off their skins and toss their still-living carcasses into piles where they eventually rot to death, then repeat the process so they can sell them for a few bucks a yard to middlemen who sell them for a few more bucks a yard to luxury goods companies who sew a yard or two into $4,000 purses. Because, you know, there are dogs dying in Iraq, and I can only take so much bad news in one day, and it takes a lot of brain power to process how $4,000 + willful participation in such an orgy of pointless cruelty to serve the same function as my admittedly gross $20 canvas bag could possibly be worthwhile. Well, meet my status bag! It's a python skin Lambertson Truex (yours for $3,995!) and as a special treat for being such a good blogger, Anna borrowed it from Bag, Borrow or Steal, so I wouldn't humiliate myself at Fashion Week... Did it help me? Hurt my enemies? That's what the jump is for, guys!

Okay, seriously, I was going to do this as a "diary" but it would be the most pointless thing ever. No one fucking noticed. And the thing is, everyone at Fashion Week is in a frenzy of fake compliment-showering; I fielded literally eight separate compliments at a single party on my black Moleskine notebook. The one thing I can say for the bag is that, while carrying it in line for the Diesel show, I slyly cut in front of a few clumps of people, and no one told me off, and then a few minutes later when another girl attempted to do the same, two other ladies totally took her to school. Big whup. I didn't get into the show. Finally on my last day with the bag, I went on a date at a fancy restaurant with a banker. We had an animated conversation about income inequality and the Beijing Olympics and the Turkish economy, when finally he blurted out, "Your bag kind of scares me." Yeah, the feeling is mutual.

Python Skinned And Left To Die [Daily Mail]