• Senator Craigslist tapped his foot in Minnesota, and cheap Vera Wang suddenly materialized there!
• Miss Teen South Carolina cuntificated her way into our bitter black hearts.
• Again and again, on Facebook.
• Which made us wonder, do indefensibly dumb sorority types cause terrorism?
• Or is it their fake handbags?
• Either way, Liz Goldhirsh's wedding dress will be there to comfort the victims.
• And retailers across America will keep the eight-year-olds in thongs and hotpants.
• Dodai and Moe compared handbag collections.
• And all y'all compared rape stories!
• Owen Wilson fell victim to the human condition, or a heroin addiction, or the Elle Curse.
• While Amy Winehouse struggled with global warming.
• And Jane fell victim to having fallen victim to industry conditions repurposed for reality TV.
• Glamour prego blogger Christine Coppa brought a child into this crazy world...
• Which the writer of the most delusional Crap Email Ever Written is going to save if Jess's husband doesn't beat the shit out of him first.

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