• Owen Wilson's suicide attempt came on the heels of a three-day binge on crystal meth and "hillbilly heroin," aka Oxycodone, reports the Mirror. Yikes. [Mirror]
  
• Also, Owen has dropped out of Ben Stiller comedy Tropic Thunder, which starts shooting in two weeks. [Variety]
  
• Madonna is adopting a second orphan from Malawi: a 13-month-old girl named Mercy. The singer said she wanted a sister for her adopted son, David Banda, "to redress the balance." What about Lourdes? Or does she mean she wants to balance out her family, color-wise? We're confused. [The Sun]
  
• Britney Spears has hired a private investigator to spy on Kevin Federline. We sooo want to see the files! [Page Six]
  
• Lindsay Lohan and her mother, Dina, have decided to let Michael Lohan visit Lindsay in rehab. "It's part of the healing process," says a source. Dina's having her restraining order lifted and counselors will be present. We predict a breakthrough. [Page Six]

• Speaking of Michael Lohan, you're aware he's shopping a reality show, right? [ONTD]
• The following sentence made us feel poor: "Budweiser beer heir Andy Busch is in mourning for his favorite polo pony." [Page Six]
• Bruce Willis will star in an Oliver Stone drama set in 1968 Vietnam. Uh, sounds uplifting! [Page Six]
• Quentin Tarantino, on a flight from the Phillippines last week, boarded in a wheelchair due to a back injury and wanted to sit on the floor. He was with a "D list actress" he called his "wife." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which famous lady is going to be asked for a substantial financial contribution by the hospital where she recently had major surgery? Or maybe the administrators will settle for her hosting a fund-raiser." [Page Six]
• So you know how shoe and handbag company Hogan designed a line of bags named after rock chicks? The pony-skin "Chrissie" is not a hit with anti-leather campaigner Chrissie Hynde. "At first, I thought this must be a joke, it's so outrageous and thoughtless," Chrissie says. She's considering a lawsuit. [Gatecrasher]
• When Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie stayed at a resort in the Caribbean, they "only wanted to deal with one staff member during their entire stay," an insider claims. The resort sent a marketing exec from NY to be the go-to guy, except he didn't know how to cook and was "freaking out." [Gatecrasher, 2nd item]
• Blind item! "Which international sex symbol had to return to her own country to terminate a pregnancy that was the result of a brief fling with a U.S. hip-hop titan?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Hot couple alert! Shia LaBeouf and Rihanna: dating. (BTW, Perez spelled his name wrong.) [PerezHilton]
• That was quick! Angelina Jolie is back from Iraq and Syria. Angelina wore a blue flak jacket and a helmet when she arrived unannounced at the camp. [Yahoo!News]
• Is Kate Moss going to marry Pete Doherty? She's "run back into his needle-scarred arms." [Rush & Molloy, 2nd item]
• OK! Magazine is auctioning off the Versace gown Britney Spears wore during her disastrous photo shoot — proceeds go to Mothers Against Drunk Driving, which is kind of genius. [Rush & Molloy]
• Britney Spears was in her car, riding around Beverly Hills yesterday — someone else was driving and the kids were in the back — when the Mercedes ran out of gas. Seriously. You can't make this stuff up. [TMZ]

Send an email to Dodai, the author of this post, at dodai@jezebel.com.