This month's Elle cover story, you may recall, is a profile of Lindsay Lohan written on the basis of an interview that ended the day before she was busted drunkenly crashing her coke-stocked car in a series of events that precipitated entry to rehab. Well, guess what celebrity Elle just interviewed last Thursday? That's right — EMO-WEN WILSON! — he of the wrist slashing and hospitalizations, and the needing privacy during this difficult time blah blah. And according to sources affiliated with the celebrity-sartorial complex, Elle is starting to worry that the professional celeb fellater types who set these things up are going to think the magazine is "cursed." Even more interestingly, the same sources say the "suicide" thing is actually just a meme put out to distract from the darker "heroin" thing that Owen has been rumored to have been consuming a little more than socially lately.
So wait, Nicole Richie was not America's gateway heroin addict celebrity? Also, is Owen Wilson the universe's most unlikely despondent suicide attempter? Or the world's most unlikely junkie? Whatever the case, he is at the very least consistent in his desire for privacy: reportedly the interview — of which poor, beaten-down human condition-plagued Owen could only endure half the appointed ninety minutes — steered clear of all topics Goldie-spawned. And when it briefly ventured into the realm of hypothetical maybe future pairings with highly stable other famous people (he's promoting a movie with Jennifer Aniston) he complained to his publicist that the question was "tabloid-y." Famous attempted last words!