Now that Perez Hilton has given us the "exclusive" on the death of Castro, can we expect to him to chase down those leads on Russia's arms sales to Syria and a potential Hamas-Fatah truce next? OR, did Perez only claim to have "broken" the Fidel Castro death simply to deflect attention from his inexcuably late coverage of yesterday's epic Nicole Richie jail stint? Some of his commenters seem to think the latter! As one gimlet-eyed reader pointed out, the Cuban-American blogger "took like 80 years to report Nicole going into jail." And didn't post about it until after all 83 minutes of it were over! We're hoping this is true, because otherwise, well, as a highly-placed celebrity tabloid editor just IM-ed wryly:

In related news, Mark Bowden just broke the story of Paris Hilton's covert mission to Kitson. An Atlantic Monthly exclusive.

No, not really. But reading that would have to be more uplifting than the Perez comments, all 4,569 of which we just read. Major takeaways: 1) Castro was something of a polarizing figure. 2) Some people seem to know people who know other people who saw Sicko. 3) Cynthia is a dick sucking lesbian homo pinko fascist bitch who can suck her father's dick and put it up George Bush's ass, bitch. 4) Miami is going to have to declare martial law or something so have fun in ur civil librtiez while they last suckazzzz!

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And lastly 5) We're moving to Canada. Though also, 6) That may not so much be the solution.

Wait, why do people not like him? What did he do?

does this mean my cuban trip/wedding in march will be all americanized when i go there? crap!!! that's the reason why i won't go to mexico.

#94 - Raul Castro says: I am now President... I am selling the assets of Cuba to the United States of America for 2.13 billion dollars.... 51st state, here weee cooommmmmeeeeee

#42 - Mariah Carey says: They can say, anything they want to say but until its official im just going to label this news as a sweet, sweet fantasy baby.

Question: why does the US hate the communist government in Cuba? Answer: 'cuz they don't make good shit like they do in communist China.

Cynthia, you sound like a liberal idiot who has no brains and does not pay taxes. You don't need communism. You already sponge off all of us! AHOLE

Cynthia, As you exercise your freedom to express your thoughts on this internet blog, please take a second to thank the imperialists who made this possible by the virtues of a free market economy.

First off let me tell you that as a cuban American who grew up in the streets of Little Havana Florida one block away from Calle Ocho! Few Latinos make me as proud to be cuban as PEREZ does

YOU DICK SUCKING AMERICANS FUCKED UP OUR WORLD. CANADIANS ARE NUMBER FUCKING ONE. THAT IS WHY EVERYONE LOVES US AND HATES YOU. GET OVER YOURSELVES. FUCK BUSH, FUCK HILARY, AND FUCK OBAMHA. VIVA CANADA, YOU FUCKING RED NECK YANKEE WANKERS.

How do you get all this information?? Pretty soon its going to be Perez All Day Everyday! Forget CBS News, CNN...all of them. Damn you go girl!! If this is true all pompous news agencies are going to be pissed!!! Watch out world Perez has only just gotten started!!! YOU GO GIRL!!! LUHUV YA DIVA!!!

how did you "break" this story and not the Nicole one?

yay CHAVEZ SHOULD BE NEXT!!!!!! viva venezuela mi patria querida, que la liberto mi hermano fue simon bolivar!!!!!

Please, find out who from Hollywood will go to Castro's funeral.

CINDY - TAKE YOUR FATHER'S COCK OUT OF YOUR ASS FOR A SECOND AND ACTUALLY DO SOME RESEARCH ON A COUNTRY THAT YOU CLEARLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. IT'S A SHAME THAT YOU'RE ATTACHING YOUR NAME TO CANADA. YOU'RE A WORTHLESS SWINE AND I WON'T WASTE ANOTHER SECOND OF MY LIFE COMMENTING ON SOMEONE WHO IS JUST WASTED SPACE ON THIS PLANET

I HOPE HE IS DEAD SO ALL THESE STUPID CUBANS CAN GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE USA— EVERYTHING THEY DO IS ALL ABOUT CUBA—WHEN THEY GET IN THEIR CARS THEY SAY CUBAN FLAG CD CHECK CUBAN FLAG STICKERS ALL OVER CHECK STUPID CUBAN MUSIC CHECK NOW THERE READY TO DRIVE