Frankly, this week was all about the ass. Designer Tom Ford is one. Vogue acts like one. Terrence Howard is not only one but he thinks way too hard about other people's. And now we can't stop thinking about 'em. We dream of baby wipes. We say "Huggies" when we mean "Hello." And we're starting to look at the brown-and-cream-and-pale blue color scheme of our bedding and bedroom in a whole different light. Here is the week that was:

• Tom Ford lost his spot as #1 Gay Man Who Hates Women.
  
• Because Terrence Howard, though not openly gay, takes ass way too seriously.
  
• We may tease/hate Terrence, but we empathize deeply with black women. Cause, see, it's harder for them to get in Vogue...

• ...but perhaps easier to get AIDS?
• Brad Pitt likes black people, though.
• Nonetheless, we think Vogue is funny. When we write our own captions.
• Anorexia. Hollywood. You know the routine.
• Christianity. Sadomasochism. We do not know this routine!
• We don't hate Keira Knightley as much as we used to.
• We would once again like to apologize to our little sisters.
• The good folks at Hearst publications freaked when we asked them to confirm if it was really Jessica Alba's handwriting in the new issue of Cosmo Reluctantly, they told us it was. And here's what we did!
• You know it's bad when The Pick-Up Artist even offends our gal Slut Machine.
• Fight the man! Wear J.Crew!
• And yes, I spend way too much money on shoes. Who are you people, my mom?!

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