Last night's episode of VH1's The Pick Up Artist was the first one to actually offend us as women. Previous lessons given by the show's protagonists, Mystery, and his buddies Matador and J Dog, seemed so retarded they were harmless. Besides, their intent seemed to be focusing on giving the poor schlubs under their care some self-esteem, not weapons of deception to be used against women. But last night, the guys were taken to meet a group of little girls to practice their conversational skills. The lesson? That women are like children and can be controlled and easily influenced if dealt with a certain way. Ugh. Anyway, in the clip above, Mystery shows Pradeep how to establish "compliance" in a "gambit." These guys are so fucking D&D, how they rename simple things—like anecdotes and establishing personal space—with fanciful terms. Alls we know is that if someone used that finger gambit on us, we'd poke him in the eye. After the jump, we take a look at Mystery's mysteries.

The Mysteries of Mystery:
Why does Mystery only wear eyeliner on the bottom?

'The Pick Up Artist' Finally Offends Our Delicate, Female SensibilitiesS


Why does Mystery wear those lips on his neck for elimination?

'The Pick Up Artist' Finally Offends Our Delicate, Female SensibilitiesS


Why does Mystery need goggles and earphones for this interview?

'The Pick Up Artist' Finally Offends Our Delicate, Female SensibilitiesS


Who knew that Alvaro had a rockin' bod?

'The Pick Up Artist' Finally Offends Our Delicate, Female SensibilitiesS


Who knew why Alvaro needed two pairs of socks?

'The Pick Up Artist' Finally Offends Our Delicate, Female SensibilitiesS


Who knew that after Brady bleached his hair, he'd be Anna Nicole's dream date?

'The Pick Up Artist' Finally Offends Our Delicate, Female SensibilitiesS