The new September issue of Allure has gotten more publicity for the Conde Nast title than the self-professed "Beauty Expert" has had since, well, Natalie Portman confessed that she knew what it felt like to be black. The reason, of course, is the magazine's profile/non-profile of one Britney Jean Spears, who, true to recent form, made a mess of the magazine's cover story about her by simply not showing up for the interview. And also true to form (editor in chief Linda Wells is tenacious, people!) Allure editors decided to run the Michael Thompson-lensed 'story' anyway, enlisting reporter/writer Judith Newman to turn the debacle into a first-person, Waiting For Godot-like scenario starring Ms. Newman herself, a homophobic limo driver, and mortified publicist. But whether she meant it to or not, Ms. Newman's resulting two-and-a-half page piece reads not as an illustration of tragedies that befall the young, the rich, and the restless, but of the situations that arise when you pair petulant, needy, self-absorbed men with talented, successful women. Which is to say: You get Britney Spears and Judith Newman.