Please Excuse Us If We Sound Macabre, But The News Somehow Wasn't Particularly Uplifting

Is the news somehow goth today? Is the whole world on a Morrissey kick? Don Rumsfeld's favorite word was the theme of all the stuff we read-but-didn't-read today. Did we mention we're going to Israel tomorrow? So psyched.

  • Lindsay Lohan could have killed a mom.
  • Polly Pocket could have killed a seven-year-old.
  • James Carville: Karl Rove killed the Grand Old Party for our grand young generation.
  • Crap results from Wal-Mart and Home Depot killed every last shred of enthusiasm left in the stock-buying public. Oh, don't worry, idiots will be back tomorrow.
  • Imus made a killing saying all those dumb old geezer things that got him prematurely fired from CBS.

  • Eight days trapped in a mine could have killed six miners.
  • Mary Winkler released after saying she didn't remember killing her preacher husband.
  • Barack Obama on Afghanistan: "We've got to get the job done there and that requires us to have enough troops so that we're not just air-raiding villages and killing civilians."
  • A suicide bombing in Iraq killed at least 120 civilians.