This was a week full of ups and downs: At first we worried about being fried to death by the heat wave, then we worried about being washed away by the hurricane. And now it's fucking cold aside! And in some deranged way, we like to think that there's an analogy in here somewhere, linking to what we learned this week:

• Being on Project Runway is bad for your health.
  
• Almost as bad for you as having 17 fucking children...and giving them all "J" names.
  
• But not as bad as auditioning for America's Next Top Model.
  
• You can take our lives, but you can't take our freedom to say the word bitch.

• Ok fine: You can have 'bitch' — just leave our chocolate alone, please!
  
• And here we thought all those years that we got one year younger with every drink that makes us forget!
  
• We aren't clever enough for sex made in Japan.
  
• Our pretty pretty princess commenters never talk like this!
  
• We don't think life is better at the Playboy mansion. Which is why we're so obsessed with what goes on there.
  
• Is it worse to date someone who looks just like you? Or not date (or, er, have orgasms) at all?
  
• Or worst of all, to date Terrence Howard?
  
• Lohan! Elle! [Blogger orgasm]
  
• Sarah Jessica Parker! Crazy eyes! Orgasm killer.
  
• What's worse than girls who don't eat around boys? Girls who don't eat, but eat steak around boys.
  
• Now we're getting gassy just thinking about dill-parsley tea.
  
• Oh, hey. We sort of mooned you. But we did it for the good of humanity!

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