When I was a wee lass learning of the joys of coitus awesomeness, my v-card was first swiped by a strange young man who was not just adamant about protected sex, but absolutely paranoid about knocking me up. Granted, he had inseminated his previous partner, and the high-school abortion is one rough formative experience. Condoms weren't enough to heal his psychic scars, however, so I was patient. But when his parents came home mid-session, just after the seventeenth spermicide suppository had been shoved up my special place, and I was forced to throw on clothes and sit in the living room, smiling and making polite girlfriend chit-chat while I felt that tingly poison ooze down my leg, I knew there was a better way. I got on the pill, humped someone else, and never looked back.
The odd experience of pushing a melty suppository inside of me just before someone else pushed something inside of me has always been a distinctly strange memory for me, something never to be repeated, but then I wake the fuck up and remember that so many women aren't on the pill, women in relationships where traditional condoms are dismissed in favor of, well, shoving something else up there! And now, a beloved old option, one I've never had the "pleasure" of enjoying, has returned to the shelves:
Earlier this year, Synova, based in Media, Pa., bought the Today Sponge from Allendale Pharmaceuticals, which had taken over the product after Wyeth. Synova has repackaged it and is introducing new advertising and a Web site for it.
The new package is meant to have a more modern look: Instead of a pink flower and a conservative-looking typeface, the box has drawings of hip-looking women, playful typography, and colors that Synova officials call "fuchsia and wine."
Hip-looking women, eh? Now that's some marketing genius. So, will non-pill-popping women give this a try? And if not, tell us in the comments what you use. Except for you pull-out people—your ecstatic insistence on the effectiveness of that shit will get us all in trouble.