We're beginning to think that we're the last people on the internet today. No one is answering our emails, or IMs, or commenting on that cute picture of Brad Pitt and Zahara. What gives? Anyway, for those of you who are still chained to your desks, as we are, and too poor to have a weekend beach house (and a contract that stipulates summer Fridays) we present some of the week that was Jezebel.


  • Hillary's boobs: Now inspiring newspaper-rooted gang warfare.
  • And in other campaign sex news: We're hot for Barack.
  • For a pornogami penis, we could momentarily put aside our fear of germs when handling money.
  • Now we're thinking that Moby Dick should have begun: Call me Jizzable...
  • We know that all of you would sleep with us for no good reason. (But plenty of bad ones.)
  • Jessicas: In addition to being bitches, they're also fat. And covered in mud!
  • "Science" proves what we've long known: Anna Wintour? Mean. Glenda Bailey? Nuts.
  • We are wondering if some kindly designer will design us a latex body suit so we can leave our house without fear of contracting HPV.
  • Weddings are totally less retarded if you let a dude take control.
  • How the hell is Nicole Richie going to push a baby out and not break in half?
  • We have no clue what the fuck Halle Berry is doing.
  • We will tolerate no more grief for liking our men circumcised, thank you much.