Your Condoms Are Expiring, And 69 Or So Other Ways You Justify Being Sluts

Commenters, what can we say? We've felt like we've actually really known you since that very first day you commenced anonymously bitching us out, but, following our "Why We Have Sex" post yesterday, something within you blossomed. Combined centuries of ill-advised fucking has clearly matured you into the sorts of brutally honest, emotionally unavailable but physically totally-game ladies we're proud to call "interfriends." Your reasons for having sex, beginning with "Because I had to find out if a parapalegic can have sex. They can." and ending with "Because his mom was on the UN Security Council... and because his collection of recreational prescription drugs was better than mine" confirmed all our favorite suspicions about you. Also, thanks to you we were reminded of our favorite Hurricane Katrina Fantasy:

when the power is off after a hurricane there is nothing else to do but drink all the beer in the fridge before it gets hot and fuck. It really is the perfect setting; windows boarded up, generators to drown out the noise, and eating hotdogs from the Red Cross van in your unrecognizable, debris riddled lawn can really be a turn on.
(Our fantasy involved Anderson Cooper and Shepard Smith in Prada life vests, which is our only fantasy about the gays, which we think says a lot about how erotically-charged massive humanitarian crises can be, which we think says a lot about how we're fucked up.) Anyway, here are some of the other best reasons to have sex, according to you:

You're too lazy to stand up anymore?

he has a/c, you don't.

Because you already slept with his girlfriend, why not him too?

You have to go to the airport in the morning, and his place is way closer than yours

because you knew the story about the time you had sexin the back of a cab would impress people you'd like to have sex with in the future.

He was just working so hard for it and lazy sex is just so much easier than lazy head.


Because you just got your tongue pierced, and bj's are out of the question.

Because you've been on a dry spell and your condoms are about to expire.

And finally, the "we've done this" award goes to:

"Range Life" ups your chances by a lot, but nothing is as much of a guarantee as "I'll Be You". Play that and it's bathroom time before the second verse comes in.

Earlier: Why We Have Sex: Reasons 238-252