So Did You Hear The One About My Drinking Problem?

Hi, I'm back. The market is down, apparently because people like me press "ignore" on their cell phones approximately 89 times a day because we don't really have much to say to our creditors. It's nice to know I have some power, even on a day that Rupert Murdoch was busy reminding the world that, you know, I really don't.

  • Thanks to all your comments on the "Why People Have Sex" post, I didn't have to be too funny today. Because I really could have used some sex, and it was kind of distracting.
  • Nicole Richie got Joel Madden to accessorize those pretty sleeve tattoos with actual sleeves for their appearance on Good Morning America. [People]
  • My old employer finally decided get all swept up in what's been an awkward, semi-boring months-long mating ritual with Rupert Murdoch. Wrote a reader: "you HAVE to find a way to blog about how this is bad for women." Uh, well I'm thinking it might be called Fox Business Channel, and involve Maria Bartiromo making a lot of money while everyone at the Wall Street Journal gets pay freezes and beats involving increased focus on shopping and the lifestyles of emerging middle classes in all the countries that will be taking care of the rest of our economic functions from now on.
  • In media news that might actually interest you, a celebrehabality show is in the works. [Perez]
  • Americans choose beer over wine. Jesus Christ, this is like apples and oranges. By which I mean, apples and oranges that I actually consume on a daily basis. [CNN]
  • Do you read Gawker? Maybe you should think twice about associating with a bunch of pretentious racists who somehow like snow. [Gawker]
  • Only Robert De Niro could make us feel his self-righteous rage on behalf of the fucking Tribeca Film Festival [Live Leak]
  • Hey, hunger strikers are being force-fed in Guantanamo using methods come call "torture." Think we feel like making a joke about Vogue and one person's "anorexia" being Nicole Richie's "force feeding"? Yeah not really! [CNN]
  • There are a few other Jennas we'd rather see Scarlett Johansson play on film. Namely: all of them. [Defamer]
  • WASP-y New England vacation towns frequented by people like John Roberts are taking small steps toward universal health care for WASPs. [USA Today]
  • The new UN Security Council chairman finally convinced the Chinese to let up on its commitment to the rights of all sovereign nations to do whatever the fuck they want to their own citizens so we could send in all the troops we have left over from our current fight to spread democracy to the Middle East. [Guardian]