National Orgasm Week kicks off in England today. And while the celebration is pretty much just a marketing gimmick by the week's sponsor, sex toy and clothier Ann Summers, it's still cool that an entire seven days is dedicated to women "getting there." In observance of the week, British rag The Sun published some "Sexy Tips" for helping the unfortunate 12% of UK women who claim they haven't had an orgasm. Some of the tips (like using a vibrator and a very detailed description of a position called the CAT) seem really practical and helpful. But the others, uh, not so much!
One of the tips, "A Sexy Surprise", recommends that a woman pre-arrange for her partner to walk in on her while she is masturbating. Counterproductive! So when you're almost there, the jerk who hasn't been able to get you off should come interrupt? Boo! Another tip is to take Femi-X, an herbal supplement that's supposed to get you in the mood. Product placement, much? The only herbal supplement that's gonna help you in that department is the kind that you can roll in a Zig Zag, if you know what I mean.
And this one kills me: "Try making love in positions where you spend more time gazing into each other's eyes." Ew! They said "making love." That phrase is so unsexy that it immediately evaporates any moisture I had going on down there.
Now, while these tips are all well-meaning, the biggest problem with them is that they only suggest how a woman can get off with her partner around (including the tip about using a vibrator). For ladies in the unenviable position of never having experienced an orgasm, they need to learn how to pleasure themselves first before they can show some other person how to do it to them! An orgasm is an orgasm is an orgasm. It still counts, even if you're the only one there to witness it. Anyway, here's to National Orgasm Week. Let's all go celebrate!
"Ohhh-verhaul Your Sex Life Now" [The Sun]