"It was pretty much the worst night of my entire summer," says Ronnie Blake, a young man from Southern California, of the night of the latest Lindsay Lohan DUI bust, to TMZ founder and king of all media Harvey Levin. But was it the best night of Harvey's summer? Tough to say. Ronnie's story is that he and his friends Dante and Jakon had been invited by Lindsay to a party they then weren't allowed into, so they were just sitting in the car, chillaxin, and waiting for Lindsay's assistant's boyfriend to stop arguing with Lindsay's assistant when... suddenly Lindsay jacked their car, ran it over Ronnie's foot and up the Pacific Coast Highway at 100 miles an hour, occasionally uttering such charming statements as "I'm a celebrity. I'm not going to get in trouble," and "If you touch me, I'll sue you." When the cops finally caught up to them, Lindsay said "the black kid" had been driving — when she had just run over his FUCKING FOOT.

It's all very mysterious and bizarre until you remember.

• Um duh someone here is a cocaine dealer.
  
• Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

You can tell by the alternately resigned and earnest way TMZ's Harvey Levin interviews the guys that Harvey Levin can't decide whether he wants to be outraged at Lindsay's racism, narcissism and reckless disregard for human life, or be time-traveling back to the day Paris Hilton sent him that illustrated love note from jail. And to be perfectly honest, neither can we! Have we hit bottom with this one yet? These boys look like they're ready to go out of the drug business entirely and enroll in Santa Monica Community College. They also make us feel like we need to check into Promises for celebrity gossip users.

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