We Shouldn't Have To Buy You Shit Just 'Cause You're Getting Married

Reasons we have contemplated moving to England:
1) Socialized health care.
2) No George W. Bush.
3) Rhyming slang.
4) Accents.
5) Afternoon tea.
6) No bridal showers.

Because, see, in England they don't do bridal showers, they do trousseaus — that once-quaint idea of a bride filling a trunk with objects that she'll need to start her new married life — which are, apparently, trickling over Stateside. (See: Longoria, Eva; Holmes, Katie).

"It's all about your lifestyle and where you are going on honeymoon," said designer Vera Wang.

Whatever, Vera! Anyway, even though we doubt the trousseau will replace the bridal shower, here's a little bit about its history, a history from which narcissistic modern American brides could learn a thing or two.

Flashy Victorians embraced the tradition, introducing the "trousseau tea" where wealthy families would display trunk loads of linens, china and clothes as part of the wedding festivities. The trend was soon dismissed for being too showy.
Key words here: "Too showy". Live them. Learn them. And while you brides are at it, buy your own damn lingerie. It's expensive for us and plus, everyone knows you'll be wearing it all of 2 weeks before it ends up in your underwear drawer over that secret stash of Klonopin.

The Trusseau, All A Girl Needs For The Big Day
[Telegraph]