We all sort of agree that Bratz dolls are a wee bit skanky. Guess what? There's an antidote to the fishnet-wearin', pouty-puckered little wenches, thank the Lord. No, really. Thank Him! Because instead of playing with mini-skirted, ethnically ambiguous baby bimbos, kids can play with a chick who got pregnant but swears she never had sex. Her name's Mary! CNN reports that Wal-Mart is testing bible action figures. Because some of the toys they make today? Holy crap!

'If you're very religious, it's a battle for your children's minds and what they're playing with and pretending. There are remakes out there of Satan and evil things.'

So says David Socha, the CEO of toy company One2believe. So, in certain markets, customers will be able to choose from fun stuff like a tiny version of the aforementioned famously knocked-up girl with her baby and baby daddy; a 12-inch talking Jesus and a muscular 13-inch Samson. It would be super cool if you could cut Samson's hair, but lo, it's made of plastic. Damn.
Wal-Mart To Test Bible Action Figures in 425 Stores [CNNMoney]
Earlier: The Unsluttification of Bratz

Send an email to Dodai, the author of this post, at dodai@jezebel.com.