Remember when we tried to offer hints for common household problems? Yeah we finally found a problem we're actually in a position to help you fix.Hey guys, we love your user-generated content and all, but some of your hangover cures? Hmm, how to say delicately that they make Cosmo's tip about using spit as a makeshift cock lubricant seem OMG totally innovative! Greasy food and ibuprofen? Get out! Coke (but not the diet kind) — REALLY? Next you're gonna say we should really go outside and get an egg McMuffin and some Gatorade even though it's full of calories and DON'T FORGET TO DRINK LOTS OF WATER!!!! Here's the thing: hangover cures are like porn. The usual suspects kinda lose impact as you creep up into the old twilight years. At our age hair of the dog and A.D.D. meds are kinda the only things that can keep us un-suicidal. Also: Vicodin, and that weird organic hippie fermented tea shit Kombucha, presumably because like some of our fave strands of Hair of Dog it is fermented. Still, some of you offered up a few interesting candidates. Like: lemons in our armpits! (Will half-eaten limes left over from tequila work?) And by the way, people who remember to drink water before bed: I hate you.
- "The perfect hangover cure is advil (as many as your body can handle) [Answer: No more than thirty. -Ed.] watermelon and spring rolls. Mmmmm" Guess: you're still in college?
- "Ah hangovers - I know ye well. Ginger ale (with or without a splash or two of bourbon), Mylanta tabs, Advil" Don't forget the Alka-Seltzer.
- "Speaking of, eating a brick of scrapple before retiring keeps me fresh as a daisy the next morning. And because it's scrapple, one very well may be able to stuff a slab up one's nether parts to prevent the unplanned." Oh god you are awesome.
- "Ok, I have an old Russian hangover cure. It's nasty as shit, but works a treat - you can imagine Russians know all about hangovers. Anyway, it's pickle juice. Seriously. Not sure if it's the salt or what, but it works. If you can keep it down. Yeah... Maybe that's not the best idea..." Which reminds us of this old wive's tale that salt helps retain some of the water of which you've been mercilessly robbing your body.
- "i saw this on oprah: if you didn't get to shower this morning and you're hungover stick a lemon wedge in each armpit. TRUST." We may use this every day.
- and the "If This Is Your Cure, It Wasn't A Hangover " Award goes to: "And for hangovers, my preventative is a big diet Coke, three Advil, and as many saltine crackers as I can stomach, before bed the night before. Didn't even have a headache after the Great Martini Swallow/Ten-Year High School Reunion incident."