Mommy, Our Heads Hurt

Remember that time earlier in the week when we were sober? Before we decided that "Hungover Friday Picture Day" was a good idea? Yeah, we sorta remember that time too! As such, the least alcohol-infused among us has created a helpful guide to some of the things on Jezebel that actually required some semblance of brain function. We'll be back Monday, in (hopefully) full fighting form. That said, have a good one everyone, and thanks for putting up with us.

  • Jane went kaput. You heard it here uh, third.
  • Too many girls changed clothes too many times for the Valentino 45th Anniversary party. And most of them didn't even look good doing it!
  • The "Pulling Out Club" We're not just members, we're the presidents.
  • You think Jenny's dancewear as workwear is inappropriate. Her mama is proud.
  • We know that everybody poops. We don't know why everyone has to do it in such a messy way at the workplace.
  • Just what is it about crossing the Atlantic that makes stilettos so bad for your health in such unexpected ways?
  • Oh yeah, the dolls!

  • If being a nag means we're as fucking hilarious as Susie Essman, we wanna be the biggest nags you (or any man) has ever known.
  • Serena Nikkah will definitely not be inviting us to party with her and Tinsley and Olivia any time soon.
  • Fucking a Republican does not mean getting an elephant-sized dick headed your way. Don't say we didn't warn you.
  • We'll make you (blog) famous if you buy us this puppy.
  • Jane went kaput. You heard it here third. And yet we're getting blamed for its demise? If we're not even good enough to break the goddamn story how could we be good enough to send a long-running mag tumbling to the ground?