Cummit Round Two: The Post-Blowjob Makeout — Does He Get All Gay About It?

We once had an intern named David Seaman. We called him D-Splooge and shamed him publicly in the internets but we never once made him jerk off into an ice tray, mix his semen with seasonings like guava and barbecue sauce and EAT TWELVE FROZEN 'CUMSICLES' ONE AFTER ANOTHER so we could write about how much he puked. Not because it never occurred to us! But we knoowww men are a little sensitive about the taste of their own jizz. We're reminded every time we try to touch tongues with them after servicing them orally. Men! Take it from Vice magazine, representing all men so secure in their masculinity they borrow their girlfriends' skinny jeans: "Swallowing jizz = big whup." We asked like 18 of our buddies and they totally agree except for some of them.

Only two men on our buddy list refused to orally probe their girlfriend's semen-tinged tongues. One of them, a man you might remember from our last focus group who has impregnated five girls, said he was "absolutely" too manly to be made to taste his supersperm, while another, the taste of whose cum we're pretty sure would be overpowered by the taste of his ball cheese, ventured a slightly less assured "I'm pretty sure that would be gay." Most guys, however, swallowed their cum (and pride) out of a sense of indebtedness. As a female friend pointed out, "You can tell everyone sort of braces a bit."

Except if they had, like, mentally blocked the notion of drinking their own jizz. "File this under TMI," she continued. (Just this once!) "But the other day after sex matt is wiping himself off a bit with a towel and then uses the towel to wipe his sweaty face and then exclaims — like did he just realize what he was doing? — 'Ew! i hope i don't get cum in my mouth!' And I said to him, what do you think I get in my mouth every time I blow you ? You can tell he had seriously never really thought about this!" Wow, is he brain dead? Moving on, we approached a young stud we know. "Girls suck my cock all the time so i've had a lot of practice thinking about this." Good to know! And his verdict? "Depends if she swallows." You're allowed to not swallow? "Because if she's swallowed, well she fucking just drank my cum. I think i can deal with kissing her." That's gratitude!

A certain Midwestern friend of ours said he frenched jizz-tongue not out of gratitude, but because he'd consumed an ejaculation's worth of semen himself and knew it was the only manly thing to do. Um, a whole load? Then he set the scene: "Fooling around with a new girlfriend, didn't have a condom, did everything but... ends with a post-BJ hand job." Wow, it's getting warm in here! "So I'm enjoying life, mouth agape. Pop - shots land in my mouth. I think - holy shit, there's a load in my mouth. Then I think, 'only a pussy would spit,' so.. chug-a-lug pooh-bear!" Um!

"And it was sooo not horrible," he recalled. "I've definitely had worse lugies."

Women were not so much in agreement. When a dudefriend of ours casually mentioned his ladyfriend is "usually rinsed out by that point," we had to ask said ladyfriend whether her sink was, like, next to the bed or something. "I always have a champagne or wine 'chaser' next to the bed," she explained. "Like I won't even do it without my chaser. And usually I'll do some little flair when I take a sip, like, 'Magnifique!' or something.

"I take," she concluded, "great pride in my work." And so do we. Gentlemen, drink your cum. We practically got strep getting it out of you.

Oh, and by the way commenters: you know how they tell you in Sex Ed to use a condom during a blowjob? THAT'S FOR PROSTITUTES.