*Inspired by Shirley MacLaine's assertion that the best parts for actresses fall into one of the above categories.

Jennifer Esposito To Play Subjugated Second-Fiddle To Val Kilmer's HeroStrangely-underutilized actress and currently-divorcing newlywed Jennifer Esposito, 34, (Spin City, Crash) has signed on to star alongside Val Kilmer in the indie film Conspiracy, in which she'll play "the hardworking single mother of an 8-year-old daughter and the survivor of an abusive marriage," says The Hollywood Reporter. Conspiracy concerns a wounded war veteran (Kilmer) searching for a missing former colleague in an Arizona town; Esposito will, not surprisingly, play his girlfriend. Who at some point, we predict, will probably need rescuing. Esposito In 'Conspiracy' With Kilmer [HollywoodReporter]