The View was on hiatus again this week (they'll be back with all new episodes on Monday). I'm really starting to miss Babs. Like, a lot. That's OK. I dried my eyes with Tyra's weave. OMG, remember last week when I mentioned how Tyra gave everyone weaves? She totally did that all week! In the video player above, check out how Tyra tries to give Donald Trump new hair and get uncomfortable as Oprah rails on a cheating husband. And there's more after the jump, like meth-face makeovers, the baby Oprah helped deliver, and Tyra's henchwoman Topanga.
So in case anyone forgot, Oprah has been on the air forever. Especially for this kid:
He's 18 now! It's so crazy that there are legal adults now that can't remember life without Oprah. He was born during her Optifast era, right? She's looking pretty trim in those scrubs.
Now, if Tyra Banks had to do a segment like this and wear that outfit, she would've cinched in the waist with a large belt. And when she saw the lady getting the C-section, she probs would've tried to eat her ribs.
But all kidding aside, Tyra does so much more than eat comfort food and then bitch about people calling her fat. For instance, she gives people makeovers (weaves, she gives them all weaves!) to improve their self esteem. She had on some meth-heads who looked like total shit before Tyra sicced her team of doctors and drag queens on them. Actually, I thought it was really nice to give this lady new teeth. Dental work is so expensive. And she's looking sort of OK now, for having been a dirty crystal meth addict before.
Then TyTy gave this "tomboy" a makeover.
I almost turned into a tomboy when I saw how hot she looked after this, but then I remembered that I don't like
to eat pussy
Has anyone else noticed that Tyra has hired Topanga to do the kind of field that she doesn't really want to do? Hey, that's a little bit like me with Jezebel. Except whereas Ty sends To on adventures like yard sales, Anna sends me to show my vadge around town. And I do it with the same type of enthusiasm. In fact, this is totally the face I was making when I had my legs in stirrups at the doctors' offices:
Thank God Gawker Media pays better than Tyra.
She's so cheap!