"It's only sexual harrassment if your boss is ugly." Thus spoke casting agent "Chrissy, 26" in the latest issue of listings weekly Time Out New York, a sentiment which made us smile in agreement to ourselves before we resumed feeling guilty about being terrible feminists. But then! We picked up the latest issue of our favorite womanly magazine, Psychology Today, and read: Sexual harassment just proves a boss is totally about the equal rights! As the story explains, what we think of as the "patriarchy" is just a bunch of bossmen so horny they'll do whatever they can to get you to fuck them. But what if they get all nasty and degrading about it? It's just a sign of their respect. "Long before women entered the labor force, men subjected each other to such abusive, intimidating and degrading treatment." Dude! We're in a boy's club!
Finally, echoing the sentiments of Jezebel scholar-in-residence The Assimilated Negro, psychologist Kingsley Browne concludes that "to say that [sexual harrassment] is only about power makes no more sense than saying that bank robbery is only about guns, not about money." At which point we started to see his point. Men are hysterically simple and the male-dominated workplace is really just a sedentary, neverending version of the same city block filled with hollerers. It's a lot better if you can actually stomach sleeping with one of them, because it's hard to psych yourself up to advance within a population of juvenile retards who think with their cocks.