Michelle Obama Pledges Not To Bring A Couple Of Slutty Lush Daughters Into The White House

Perhaps inspired by recent evidence of her husband's powerful effect on women voters, Michelle Obama is taking a more prominent role in her husband's campaign, which means: keeping the sluts at bay! Without once uttering a certain word rhyming with "Blenna", Lady Obama assured a room full of female campaign donors yesterday that her daughters Sasha and Malia — who at the prime blowjob-learning ages of six and eight have somehow thus managed to remain out of trouble with police — wouldn't be "dancing on tabletops."

We applaud Michelle for taking on this challenge, especially given her own wild past and penchant for baring her cleavage at every given opportunity, but we're of mixed emotions at the goal: should a woman rob her high-profile daughters of the chance to fuck up relentlessly before the eyes of America? Because if a girl isn't allowed to get wasted and act like a retard in the public eye, how big an advance can she really expect to net on the redemption novel she writes after taking her redemption trip to an AIDS-stricken Third World country?

Barack Obama's wife says she doesn't want daughters to be partiers [WANDtv.com]
Earlier: Barack Obama Lures The Elusive Slutty Anxious Female Demographic