Ann Coulter is a piece of shit. The earth revolves around the sun. Elizabeth Edwards has cancer and a big house. Neither disqualifies her husband for the job of President. But this YouTube clip from yesterday's Coulter appearance on Chris Matthews, interrupted by an incredibly civil phone call from Elizabeth and engineered to make us hate Ann more than we already do and respect Elizabeth Edwards more than, well, Michelle Obama, is NOT WORKING! (Well, not on one of us, anyway.) A few infuriating things:

  • "In the South.. when someone does something that displeases us.." Elizabeth began her call. Oh, brother.
  • In her phone call Elizabeth mentioned Ann's "suggestion" that the Edwards family had bumper stickers reading "Ask me about my dead son." That's meaner than what the four-year-old column actually said, which was, "If you want points for not using your son's death politically, don't you have to take down all those 'Ask me about my son's death in a horrific car accident" bumper stickers?'" Elizabeth's version was also funnier! Why, Liz, why?
  • Elizabeth was calling to quibble with Coulter's comment the morning earlier on Good Morning America: "If I'm going to say anything about John Edwards in the future, I'll just wish he has been killed in a terrorist assassination plot." And see, silliness like that wouldn't normally upset Liz, but coming from Ann Coulter...
  • Guess what appeared first thing this morning on the Edwards Campaign site, just like Ann predicted?
  • Finally, Elizabeth didn't really answer Ann's question about why JOHN didn't make the call asking about her criticisms of JOHN himself. The reason is because Elizabeth plays a very important role in the John Edwards campaign such that she probably decided the impromptu call-in would go over better in heartland America if it were made by John's supportive, meal-cooking wife — which is to say, her! Because heartland America prefers its women soft-spoken and civil, not loud and crazypants and given to offensive jokes like Ann Coulter.
  • HOLY SHIT. We thought the worst thing about the Edwardses was their spooky brand of smarm, but actually, it's in the bullet point above. SHOOT US NOW. The Edwardses just made us defend Ann Coulter on grounds of FEMINISM.

Tongue sweat.